I'm Getting Worse

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Annon1831, Aug 25, 2016.

  1. Annon1831

    Annon1831 Member

    I'm getting worse. it's as simple as that. I'm having suicidal thoughts more often and lately I've been feeling numb. you know what my situation is if you read my first thread,well basically it got worse. my mom went to jail for assaulting a cop (this is her second time), carrying an unlicensed firearm, public intoxication and refusing to identify herself. so yeah...well shes out on bail right now but ever since then she keeps acusing me of acting disrespectful and rude to her so ive been getting in alott more trouble lately. my stepdad seems to keep his distance from me and only yelled ,spit in my face and yanked my armonce but that's about it so I guess the abuse isway better than it used to be. Anyways Since then my boyfriends uncle had some really bad things to say about me and that was my boyfriends last straw so he shut down his account. The thing that has been hurting the most is suprizingly not my mom or step dad. its been myself and school. I just started school again last Monday and it was my first day of school without my boyfriend so I broke down every time I looked at the empty seat beside me where he used to be,. I wont be able to see him much and .........you know when you miss someone so much that everything seems to remind you of them? The thing about is that I already have really bad depression and everytime he isn't there or something bad happens I just get pulled further into it. like today, you know how every teacher has favorites? i'm never one of them. their is always something so perfect about someone else I wonder if anyone will even notice me. sure enough the third day of school the teachers already have their favorites picked out. I'm shy in school but I still try my hardest to laugh and paint on a fake smile but it's so hard to do. There was a question on the first day of school,"who are you?" and to be honest I don't know who I am anymore. I'm a girl with an abusive stepda, i'm a girl with a mom who lets it happen and dot know when to stop drinking or taking drugs, i'm a girl who has never be noticed. The only thing that is keeping me here is tyler. he has always en there for me , trieo help and always tellhe loves me and I love him too but how does hpect me to feel loved when I'm being to feel nothing.last night I beggedhim on the phone to let me do it but he wouldn't let me. I don't know where I'm going with this........ its just I'm getting worse.. I need help before I decide to do something ill regret
     
  2. moxman

    moxman Well-Known Member

    Hello CheyB1831, I am Mox

    Hello and thank you for joining us at SF. Thank you for sharing your story with us. The more you share the more we can help you. I invite you to read my personal story below in green. Just know you are not alone in your pain and suffering. Everyone here is battling his/her own demons. You are among friends. No one will ever insult you or ridicule you for any reason; that BS is not tolerated here. We will give you emotional support and lots of hugs. If you are feeling like you are going to hurt yourself that you will take yourself to the nearest ER and get the help you need. The help you deserve. We want you to be SAFE. If you are having a bad day or if you are upset do not hesitate to reach out to someone here at SF and we will help you the best way we can.

    Bad news, I noticed you. =)

    You my friend are in a very bad patch right now with an abusive step-dad and an abusive mom. (if she is just standing by letting it happen, she is just as guilty as he is). Plus all of your mother's legal problems just add to your misery. Plus your moms alcoholic and a drug abuser. For what it is worth, I grew up in a home with an alcoholic/drug abuser step-dad, who physically abused me, and an emotionally and physically abusive mother; so I have an idea of what you are going through. It is not a fun place to be. Do you have anywhere you can go, where you can be safe from the abuse?

    I am glad to see you are in school and you are pursuing a dream. (What kind of dream are you pursuing?) I know school sucks and you miss your boyfriend; but at least you are not at home in that toxic environment. Your story reads like you are a very intelligent person. So that is a good thing.

    I remember your first post about a lot of problems with his family trying to interfere with the relationship between you and Tyler. Is that still going on; or did they finally stop? For such an young couple you two have been through a hell of a lot. If Tyler is not in school with you; where is he at? How long do you have before you can finish school? Do you two lovebirds have kind of short/long term goals? Is your dad still in the picture? Is he going to support you and Tyler's relationship?

    Are you able to see a psychiatrist? and maybe get some medication to help you feel better. Maybe you could write your personal dairy here in private so no one else would know what is going on with you?

    Wishing You The Best

    Take Care, Feel free to PM/IM me anytime.
     
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there @CheyB1831

    First of all welcome to SF you have joined a great community full of supportive and kind like minded people.

    Secondly, you are very brave to come and share your story on here with us, may I ask how old you are? Does your school have a counsellor you can speak with? I know school can be really difficult for a lot of people, there's so much peer pressure and pressure from your parents and teachers.

    I am really sorry for the abuse you are enduring, it should not be like that, is there a relative you could talk to? I am really glad that Tyler is there for you hun. You deserve respect, caring and love, so I am glad you have him.

    I hope it helped to get all of these thoughts off your mind. You sound likely a lovely person, I hope things work out for you. Please keep us updated because we care :)
     
  4. Annon1831

    Annon1831 Member

    I'm 16 about to be 17 and no there's no family I an talk to all of my family is either in jail or dead and my dad is somewhat of an alcoholic and can't really do anything if he wanted too because my mom always threatens to take him to court. Don't get the wrong impression of my dad he's a good guy he just has bad health and can't take pain medicine so instead he drinks. thank you for taking time to read this
     
  5. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    Does your school have a counsellor that you can talk to.
     
  6. moxman

    moxman Well-Known Member

    Hey Chey,

    Just know that if you ever want to talk , you can always IM and we can chat that way. Or you can PM and discuss things in private. I am here to help you.

    How are things going now for you? Have things gotten any better for and Tyler and you?

    Take Care