I was almost robbed yesterday. Almost. The reason the guys left me? Because I told them to make sure I'm dead if they're going to rob me. I told the guy with the knife to stab me in the heart, and make sure to pull the knife out so even if the puncture wound didn't kill me the bleeding will. They left, screaming about me being crazy and need to see a doctor. I thought that was going to be the end of my life. And for a very long time, I felt... excited. Thrilled, not anxious, that I'm finally about to get killed - and not by committing suicide. At least my parents can claim the insurance money! But I was wrong yet again, and here I am now in front of my computer, typing away. I'm getting more and more tired with each passing day. I lost interest in almost all my hobbies, and I've been isolating myself more and more. So much that my friends have to designate a "get-together-day" to get me out from my house besides going to work and classes. I don't see my parents and my brother much anymore too. I usually told them I'm busy doing something. Play games, read books, do assignments, do some writing... whatever. In truth? I'm just lying on my bed, wasting my time and hoping that some freak accident would happen and kill me. It's getting harder to just get out of bed in the morning. The truth is? I'm tired of living. Not "I'm tired of living like this and I want to change" tired, but as in "I'm tired of living." Period. No matter how different each day might be, in the end it's all the same. I tried to change to accommodate the world, but guess what? That's how I ended up here right now - anxious, depressed, angry, delusional, tired and live life everyday in pain. Days ago, I was afraid of dying. I was afraid of taking the final step. But now? I'm welcoming it. I'll welcome it with wide open arms as long as I don't have to pull the trigger. I fought this war for far too long, and I feel like I can finally put my weapons down and just give up. The world won't give a damn anyway. It will march on, and leave behind many more bodies like mine. And so, it came to this. I'm giving up soon, but there's still a few more things that I have to do and I need to put things in order. At least when death finally catches up, I won't be taken by surprise and others won't have to take up pieces of things I left behind. Note: I'm not saying I'm going to do myself in though, so I'm not sure if I'm in the right part of the board. I apologize in advance if someone has to move it.