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im goin to hell

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by tombo, Apr 1, 2009.

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  1. tombo

    tombo Member

    im bisexual male and embaressed. im a self loathing depressed drug addict. i cant find happiness and i try to pretend, im still alone. i dont believe ill ever be good enough for my family or God. i want to be "normal" ...
  2. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    I've sat listening to you in chat for a while and I think you need to just learn to love yourself the way you are.

    There is nothing non "normal" about being bisexual and until you accept that you will never be happy.

    Good luck.
  3. BioHomocide

    BioHomocide Well-Known Member

    I wish I was normal too....... I have no problem with being gay but I just want to be normal.... I dunno maybe thats just me being confusing.
  4. tombo

    tombo Member

    ifk if ill ever accept who i am
  5. tombo

    tombo Member

    i hit a new low today ..i smoked crack all day and cut myself, and realized that no one cares. im alone in this world and ready to be out of it. i came home high on cocaine and loaded my 9mm. i came to my pc to check my email (i never get any but i dotn want to miss if i do) decided to use google to maybe find help. i made the mistake of coming here. i guess i was never meant to be normal, im one of "those" people thats depressed and an addict. all i ever wanted was someone in my life that didnt take advantage of me (family friends gf) and someone i could love and they would love me. i asked for too much. i hate who i perceive myself to be but i put up my gun. i deserve to live in this misery i have created and call my life.
  6. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Tombo,
    I think Sam gave you good advice..That is one of the first things my therapist told me was that I had to learn to be intimate with myself before others would accept me..Are you in therapy??Mine is great because she also has suffered with depression and basically not giving a shit about herself..Then she went back to school for therapy and because of her past she can relate to everything I am going thru..
    There is nothing wrong with you being bisexual.. If that is who you want to be then no problem.. If it is a girlfriend you want then you need to figure out your own sexuality first. Once you are comfortable with that then you can proceed in looking for your other half..I wish you the best!!
    And welcome to the forum...
  7. tombo

    tombo Member

    tyty im not in therapy bc i am a professional and cannot expose my drug habit and sexuality... no matter what lawss are in place if they find me unstable they will fire me. i am scared of being outed and i do prefer women but im still curious... i have a thing for scene boys :rolleyes: and i know in my industry it would make my job difficult. my family also would disown me and i dont want to upset my aging gparents. however i fear that i cant cover my wrists with my suit all the time and im afraid ill open a cut and people will see blood. i guess its the ridicule and shame that i hear all the time that makes me not want to tell my boss im a bicurious crack addict.
  8. justafool

    justafool Well-Known Member

    One thing that should be said is that normal people can be very, very BORING. I really don't think, given the chance, that you would want to totally entrapped by the mainstream. You are an Outsider. Learn to love it.
  9. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member


    Is there any reason why you're therapy sessions would be reported to your family or co-workers? Are you involved in security-sensitive work that demands absolute constant scrutiny of employees?

    If you don't deal with your addiction, it's going to get the best of you. You could go to therapy and weekend-rehab, or you could be arrested and charged with drug possession; it's just a matter of time. Please consider getting help -- nobody hides their addictions for long. Especially if they're illegal in nature.

    As to your bicuriosity -- don't worry about it. Some people are more bicurious than others, but it's overall, perfectly normal to find some 'abnormal' things erotic. Just pick up any book of erotica. You don't have to "come out" as a bisexual. Ever. But you do need to be comfortable with yourself.

    Go to therapy. It helps (supposedly :))
  10. tombo

    tombo Member

    my job involves a billion dollar company and i do "important" work there. i signed a bunh of no drug clauses in my contract and so on and so forth. i was strung out along time ..didnt use today and thats good. one day at a time. as for meeting people ...we will see. i figure one prob at a time

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