(I'm French) It's been years that I'm depressed. Since I'm a child the only thing that I wanted is a perfect wife and the rest I don't care about it. But I was unable to meet a girl that would meet my requirements and I'm 23 and that's why I'm depressed. But recently I have met her on the internet and she's perfect, she was the girl that I always dreamt of, however she could only see me as her best friend and a few days ago she told me that she's sure that it's never going to change. I felt so hopeless that I didn't do my school project and it means that I failed at college and it was my last chance. Now that's the final blow to me, people say that there are many fishes in the sea but I know that it's different for me and I know myself very good. I'm going to end it but I don't know what to tell her. I don't know if it would poison her mind if I tell her what I'm going to do. Also she doesn't feel ready to meet me in real yet but I want to meet her before I go, I don't know what to do about that because it's important for me that I meet her but I can't wait any longer. Also I want to do something good for her and take her debts but it's in another country and I don't know how to do that. I plan to absord an overdose of pills and jump from a boat in the middle of the sea so that I'm sure I can't fail it.