I'm going to be honest about my life.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by eagles_fan, Aug 6, 2010.

  1. eagles_fan

    eagles_fan Well-Known Member

    I think I'm actually kind of a bitch and an asshole. I probably don't deserve to live or be successful.

    One of the earliest memories I have is when I was maybe 5 years old or so. I was taking a bath with my older brother. I bit his toe, which I think may have created some kind of hostility my brother fostered towards me, which may seem petty and ridiculous. I think he was eleven. Ever since then we would fight almost constantly. Except when we were having fun together playing video games or watching cartoons.

    My little brother was born and my brother used to take care of him a lot. He pretty much taught him to treat me like shit. There was one time when my little brother was pretty little and he slapped me across the face.

    When my older brother was sixteen, he went to jail for attempted rape.

    My father pointed out at a therapy session that this may have created depression in me. I wasn't even aware that this may have been the cause for it. I just thought it was girl problems.

    Ironically, and pathetically, I started treating my little brother as my older brother treated me. I got really upset once and told him I hated him. I would get really angry at him at times and just outright mock him as well. To be honest, I was a bitch to him.

    We're both older now and I'm really sorry for all of that. He's still slightly emotionally distant towards me and it's obvious that he prefers our other older brother.
  2. koolasakitkat

    koolasakitkat Member

    so do you think you're a asshole now. If you know that you are..... you aren't an asshole. your a lost person who doesnt know there way back. I have been told I was a bitch. so now i try to change... i think for 10 seconds before I say things... and try and put myself in peoples shoes... i am sorry about your older brother x
  3. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    That type of behavior is normal between siblings.
    My sister and I used to fist fight on a daily basis. I did things behind her back to try to get revenge- and wrecked her things; and in return she locked me in the storage freezer for hours until I started to get frostbite on my fingers...
    Now, I am 22- my sister is 28 and we love eachother very much, talk all the time and are good friends.

    Just because you're a jerk and an asshole when you're a child, doesn't mean you will still be one as an adult.
    Kids just are assholes. They don't know any better.
  4. Black Beauty

    Black Beauty Well-Known Member

    Hey, I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe you can write them all a very detailed and lengthy letter explaining how you feel, and that you're sorry for not being as good a brother as you could have been? Family relationships can often be restored with great effort, communication and understanding.
  5. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    The good thing is that you can apologize and ask for his forgivness. I had done all kinds of aweful things to my brother, and even though he may not forgive me now, I apologized still. People change and when we are younger we are out of control and we hate it. Now as adults we can gain that control, I personally had to have Yahweh help me with this because I was always out of control and could not help but be that way without his help. People get older and we learn. You are a human like the rest, do not beat yourself up. Forgivness also has to be given to ourselves as well. :hug: I know you can make it through this. Blessings..
  6. Things

    Things Well-Known Member

    "When my older brother was sixteen, he went to jail for attempted rape. "

    Er...I think he had non-toe-biting related issues to begin with.

    I know exactly how you feel. I treated someone like crap too, and I haven't gotten the chance to apologize still.

    Have you gotten the chance to say sorry to your little brother?
  7. Remedy

    Remedy Chat & Forum Buddy

    That you still regret something you did when you were just 5 years old is close enough proof you're not a bad person.
    I'm sure we've all done some silly things like that when we were kids, pretty much what KittyGirl said, kids don't know any better.
  8. eagles_fan

    eagles_fan Well-Known Member

    Thanks everyone!
    Seriously makes me feel a little better.
  9. CalifradMT

    CalifradMT Member

    While fighting between siblings may be normal, there are exceptions, in my view, which include lack of supervision or the supervisor (mother or father) deciding to not interfere with the fight by stopping it because they derive some strange satisfaction.

    I believe this because my brother basically kicked my ass until I was an adolescent (at which time I weighed more than him and he couldn't knock me down).

    Mother would watch. Father would laugh. When the tears and crying became loud, father would stop it but oddly enough, I sense a delay in their eagerness to end this battle between a brother and his little sister. It must have been amusing to watch 2 kids at it, maybe, in spite of the unfair playing field.

    I think a referee in the form of a parent should be there when siblings are fighting. I do not recall hearing "leave your sister alone" then would say we lacked supervision and were neglected but then again, maybe we were a form of entertainment or my brother was used by my mother to hit me because she wanted to but knew she couldn't.

    My family was very very disturbed - just so you know.

    Sibling abuse is something that needs to be addressed more than it has been. My case is just much more extreme. When I got older, I asked mother why she didn't stop my brother and she said she was afraid of him too.