I'm going to be on this Sh*t for the rest of my life

Discussion in 'Therapy and Medication' started by VALIS, Jan 8, 2008.

  1. VALIS

    VALIS Well-Known Member

    You know what I hate?
    People who say that psych medication is for people who can't deal with their problems. As though we could just "deal with it" or take responsibility and then we wouldn't need medication....these people have never been to a place where life is not worth living and every step of life is a struggle just to live day by day. Screw these people, even if they have been on meds and been successful at handling their problems without them, all the therapy in the world and all the "sucking it up" and making effort to handle life without medication won't correct the imbalance in my head that cripples me and will haunt me for the rest of my life. I am sick, very very sick; its like AIDS where I'm just trying to maintain and someday I know I will die from this illness, probably when I hit my next low point

    so I tried getting off Wellbutrin in the hopes that I could "deal with it" and not be restless, insomniac and anxious in public. I wanted to reduce my meds down to just the Lamictal so I wouldn't need to treat the side effects of Wellbutrin with Klonopin....it was a disaster. I went right back to catatonia, I missed school and work and slept all fucking day. I've been a zombie this whole week, and depression is setting in because I feel so shitty about failing to make my commitments and failing to be in control of my mind. I am smart enough and I mean well, I take accountability and I try so hard, so hard, but its not enough. I feel so awful right now, I feel trapped into taking these drugs and everyone around me says it's just a matter of getting used to it- No, you as&holes, you have no idea that its not me telling myself I can't get out of bed its the PHYSICAL manifestation of my psychological illness.
    Do you think I really want to be on medication for the rest of my life?? I tried to get off it and couldn't deal, do you think this makes me feel good to have to stay all anxious and sleepless and worry that the meds won't work anymore or I'll lose my insurance and I'll be stuck in a living hell unable to even get up the strength to seek out help?

    I just needed to rant, I guess, I'm crying now so maybe that's good. thanks for reading and I hope everybody else feels okay tonight
  2. ggg456

    ggg456 Guest

    :hug: I hear you. The physical side of being mentally unwell is terrible and I completely understand what you mean about people preaching at you about what you 'should' do regarding medication and not understanding the intensity of what you're going through.
  3. rojomi

    rojomi Banned Member

    Had a doctor tell me I'd be on,(don't remember what drug?),"the rest of my life". Well, I'm still here, I am not on the drug, but she's been charged in a multi-million dollar wrongful death lawsuit. Needless to say, she's no longer my doc. These people called 'Doctors' aren't geniuses, nor are they God, tho they often develop a mental disorder referred to, of all things 'god complex'.
    Go figure-could it be because they've been allowed too much power due to their incomes, political lobbies, and patients who trust them w/ out question?
  4. WhyMeWhy

    WhyMeWhy Well-Known Member

    I have a chemical imbalance in my brain and really do have to take abilify to correct it for the rest of my life. If I stop the med, and the condition returns at it's worst-the way it used to be-I'll be up a creek. It's very unfair and I wish upon no one the suffering I've endured. I was lucky they found something that worked to stop those symptoms completely. Seroquel worked at times.,...but on that I was a drooling idiot, literally. :blink:
  5. smackh2o

    smackh2o SF Supporter

    People who say that are typically the ones who also say, "pull yourself together" and "you just gotta get on with it".
    I spose they're so emotionally and socially paranoid that they won't let themselves seem 'weak'. In my opinion they're far worse off than anyone on anti-depressants because if their life turns shitty they're not gonna be able to tell a soul. They'll 'deal' with it in their own special way which is to be a lonely soul.
  6. VALIS

    VALIS Well-Known Member

    Thanks for this everyone, I'm still adjusting to the medication again and really depressed that I'm less capable than I thought I was. Its like motivation with depression the whole time, just moving forward and getting shit done like a drone, or laying in bed with my wits about me but unable to do anything. Sad that its a trade-off and worried that I shouldn't ever have children because they'd be sad lonely weird little wrecks just like their mom always was...I guess I was hoping the crazy might wear off as I got a little older