I'm going to jump any day now..

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by docbrown2015, Aug 10, 2015.

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  1. docbrown2015

    docbrown2015 New Member

    Well..as a child growing up, I had a good life. my parents were so much fun and my best friends. my older brother was always the most rotten and foul person to ever exist and abused me for many years due to his bipolar disorder, so besides that, things were great, I was always husky and overweight, not many friend I had. just a loner but always happy and fun. I was never in a bad mood or upset ever, my father and I were the closest and he was my most best friend. we did everything together, hung out, went traveling, he was my only friend, later on in my life I met a girl that destroyed me and cheated on me, I was so sick over it I lost all the weight and got into health mode and stayed there while in a severe depression. my father a few years later was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease and a few weeks ago had gotten a brain related stroke, now he resides at a nursing facility and barely says anything, barely knows who I am anymore... my job closed it's doors last week and now I'm out of work. I have no money and haven't eaten in 6 days. my whole life went down the drain, my dad is basically a vegetable, my mom lives in her own world, my older bro is in Prison so I have nobody... nobody likes me and I help everyone! I would give the shirt of my back if someone needed or just wanted it. no relationship, girls hate me and the sight of me. no friends..nothing so I've finally faced the facts that the empty pages of my life shall remain empty never be finished, it's over for me so I'm going to <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods> and put a permanent end to my suffering. I don't know if I will I get into Heaven still if i've been a good person my whole life? or am I going down into the darkness? I don't know.. i'm just going to do it and not give a care just like nobody gives a care about me..
  2. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Hi there.

    I am very sorry about your dad. Sounded like a great dad I never had. What kind of job did you do? Just letting you know I do care and hope you were able to eat something and come back to talk.
  3. kangaroo2

    kangaroo2 Active Member

    6 days without food is a lot. Is there a food bank where you live? Getting your blood sugar up should help you feel more able to cope with what you outlined.
  4. docbrown2015

    docbrown2015 New Member

    Thank you guys for caring, I was an Engineer and repaired all kinds of devices and electronics. we all lost out jobs at the company. no I didn't eat, instead of jumping of the Hospital because I just can't do it.. I tried today and was too coward, instead i'm never going to eat again and eventually it will kill me. I can't eat anyways.. my mind is too gone from stress and panic and , I want my dad back to nomal! I want my life back and I know I can't have it. it doesn't matter because i'm already 30 and that's old and my life would be over anyways, i'm too old for anything and It's time I leave this bitter earth. atleast I have my memories.. thanks again guys, I really apprecaite the help.
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    well 30 is definetly not old many people go back to school at that age and start a new career Your father hear you recognises your touch he does don't leave him when he needs a connection to the world the most.
  6. Joshmorey1

    Joshmorey1 Member

    Please don't do it. I lost my wife Saturday, this pain is unbearable.
  7. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    I kinda have similar issue. Refusing to eat. It's painful and makes me feel like crap if I slip up and eat a morsel.

    I am trying to succeed but it keeps messing up with my mindset.

    And job wise, you can check out other jobs, it sounds like you have good education/degree
  8. docbrown2015

    docbrown2015 New Member

    I was thinking about what you guys were saying and maybe I can make things better? i'll be there for my father instead of harping on his condition and flipping out over it, i'm thankful he is alive and still with me. and also i'll go out there and get another Engineering job. I have to live because if I die, it will destroy my mom and she will be left all alone without any help and I can't do that to her. thank you guys for being here and I hope it's ok if I can keep posting under this thread?
  9. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Yes its absolutely ok to keep posting or making new threads whatever you want to do. How are you feeling now?
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