I'm going to kill myself

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by darklogic, Feb 26, 2008.

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  1. darklogic

    darklogic Active Member

    Maybe not today. Maybe not tommorow. I'm thinking Friday. But if it doesn't happen Friday I know it is only a matter of time before I finally do it. It might take days, weeks, possibly months. But I can't see myself surviving another year. Not one more year of this meaninglessness, loneliness, suffering, and failure.

    There's no point. No point at all to this struggle we call life. There are 6 billion people on this planet and they all think they are important. Guess what? They're not. Not a single one of them means anything. We all just happen to be born and eventually we all die. Why wait?

    Why should I bother staying alive? Just to watch everything die? Just to search and question and never find any answer? Every day I'm alone thinking these things and I know nothing will ever change. I cannot convince myself that there is any reason to go on.
  2. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    Life is a bit like playing a video game I think. It has to end sometime, everything does, but I don't think too many people turn the game on and then just switch it off because it has to end eventually anyway. It is the playtime inbetween that counts.

    Of course, if the game sucks that's a different story.
  3. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    thinking so much about suicide is a symptom of depression, and that is something that *can* be treated... it doesn't have to be another lonely year for you.

    i made the same speech to myself on xmas eve... i swore it would be the last year of loneliness and despair. it only took me another week to attempt; clearly i didn't succeed. when i tried i was so relieved that my pain would be over. i was sad, but completely calm. ... fast forward....

    worked up my nerve to tell my doc and he got me access to some mental health services - it's now the end of feb and i feel like i'm waking up from a bad dream. yes, i'm still lonely but not despairing. with love and support you can start to see that there are options other than suicide.

    you don't have to do this alone, you have us, and will you consider talking to a professional? it can and does get better if you can only take that step of asking for help,
  4. bobjohn321123

    bobjohn321123 New Member

    reki that is a terrible analogy. i agree completely with dark logic. anyone who is semi intelligent knows and understands that life is indeed pointless, meaningless, or whatever else -less you want to call it. The only thing stopping most people from killing themselves is the fear of death or rather the agony of committing suicide. If there were such a thing as a 99.99% fatal over the counter suicide pill the majority of people would have ended thier miserable existence when they were teenagers. Personally, I'm planning on committing suicide in the next week, but it never seems to come to fruition. I would recommend that you workout or do something to keep you occupied. And, if the thoughts come creeping back every year then you know that your probably going to have to live with such thoughts for the rest of your life---in which case you should do what you know is the logical conclusion or be content that life is a bitch and just live through it. Me---I'm hell bent on picking the former.
  5. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you feel that way, bobjohn. I don't share your perspective on life, it would be a very depressing ordeal if I did, but I don't intend to try and make you see it my way either. Whether my beliefs are wrong or right do not even come into play, they are right for me and make me happy and that is all that matters. I'm sorry you aren't content with life but maybe something will come along to change your mind later down the road. All the best.
  6. irrelevant

    irrelevant Member

    I don't think that's a terrible analogy at all. In fact it confirms the insubstance of life that you are talking about. It is as flimsy as a computer game and you can play it or not. I think it's a bit presumptuous to assume that the majority of people would have ended their lives as teenagers if the access had been there.

    I would say treatment is there. Life doesn't have to be complete suffering, the game can be fun if you take the right steps to seek help. Book a doctor's appointment.. one thing at a time, simple as. x
  7. Viskar

    Viskar Member

    I agree with Reki. Just because -you- have a belief doesn't mean 'anyone with intelligence' sees it the same way. Anyone with intelligence would know that. If you're going to be offensive, then why come here? Leave people who want help, and want to give help, in peace.
  8. darklogic

    darklogic Active Member

    Huh. Just when I think I've had enough of life something cool actually happens. Going to hang out with a cute guy tommorow and explore this new city : )

    I still hold the philosophy that life has no intrinsic meaning other than that which we imagine it to have. Perhaps I just haven't created a meaning yet. I'm lost.

    In any case, I guess if I'm going to be alive I might as well "play the game" and try to enjoy myself while I can.

    I can always kill myself later.
  9. bleach

    bleach Well-Known Member

    Quickest turnaround ever?
  10. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    That's awesome dark. :)
    I hope you have a good time.
  11. darklogic

    darklogic Active Member

    Life is full of quick turnarounds. You'd be surprised what can happen if you stop moping around and actually leave your house!

    Besides, I may be suicidal but I'm not dead yet. I would have had to be a total corpse to turn this guy down.

    Of course if it doesn't work out I'll probably be more depressed than ever but I'm willing to take the chance. Here's to hoping this forum won't be seeing much more of me. Take care everyone.
  12. almosteasy

    almosteasy Well-Known Member

    Hey dark just keep one thing in mind. See how quickly you felt a little better? You can again feel worse if something negative happens. DO NOT act on those negetive feeling because then you are going on emoton.

    You have to start to realize when your feelings of suicide are justified and when it is just your emotions urging you to do something you normally wouldnt. Do some research on the subject of suicide and learn more about yourself. It will be a small price to pay to stay alive.
  13. irrelevant

    irrelevant Member

    well done dark, the speed of turn around is of course irrelevant (wheehey!) but seriously.. it's probably the least important thing to consider.. as it seems you have recognised. Am waffling.. well done! x
  14. bobjohn321123

    bobjohn321123 New Member

    i apologize for my previous post. i had just broken up with my long term girlfriend and now we're back together. i was depressed and thinking irrationally.
  15. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    No problem at all, bobjohn. It's great that you're feeling better.
  16. bleach

    bleach Well-Known Member

    Damn. Low blow..
  17. darklogic

    darklogic Active Member

    Glad to hear that BobJohn. Just keep in mind that when I said life is full of quick turnarounds I meant both good AND bad ones. We can never really know everything that's going to happen or how we will respond to it until the moment is upon us.

    Almosteasy made a good point too. Our emotions can upset our logical process. I try to cling to my basic beliefs about the way the world should be i.e. concepts of justice, truth, and love. But I realize that the rest of the world may not fully embrace these ideas and that in reality life is not always beautiful or just. I see the world for what it is, a planet in peril inhabited by the human being who facies himself the highest form of life. Our greed, lusts, and false beliefs drive us to hate, exploit and murder each other. We are animals with superior mental faculties but animals nonetheless. It's a depressing truth. How do I reconcile my ideals with the way things really are?

    I've noticed that the way I interpret the things often depends on the way I'm feeling at the time. When I'm feeling ok I try to remind myself that despite all the stupidity, ignorance and hatred I'm entrenched in that most people are basically good. People DO still love things. They care about their families. They want to feel peace. They want to be happy. They are just confused as to how to achieve this...but who can blame them? The world has us chasing things that in and of themselves will not make us truely happy. Money, power, status, sex, drugs, possessions, etc.

    When I'm feeling overwhelmed I often lose sight of this and become as hateful as anyone else. Nothing matters. What's the point? etc. But I try as often as I can to remind myself that this doesn't do me or anyone else any good. I remind myself to cling to my beliefs about virtue and purpose no matter how silly they may seem. No matter how many people do not agree. I hold tight to that last shred of hope. This is my task. This is my life. This is what really matters to me.

    We can't let the things that we can't change get us down. I realize this. But I, personally, can't let myself believe that it's pointless to try. We have to at least make an effort and go down fighting. Even if it doesn't mean anything. It's better than just giving up. I believe our humanity and all the suffering it entails DOES have value. It is precious and we should embrace it while we have the chance.

    Because as I said...you never know what wil happen next.

    P.S. Really long post so if you read it all then you kick ass!
  18. the_nihilist_reason

    the_nihilist_reason Antiquities Friend

    I kick ass! :laugh:
    By the way, fitting nick, Darklogic!

    And yeah, I agree with you.
  19. monty

    monty New Member

    everyone in this thread seems to have had their life turn around, so I am just posting this hoping the same thing will happen to me somehow.
  20. Daze&Confused

    Daze&Confused Antiquitie's Friend

    If only life were that simple:biggrin:

    I agree, but what if you've had all your happy days, and all you see is more misery ahead, i can't keep hoping for something to come along and make my life better, i have to get off my arse and do something, anything to fight to stay alive. But what if i just don't want to.
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