My family has crumbled over the years. Now there's just me and my little sister who live together, my dad who's an alcoholic mess, and my older sister who lives a hundred miles away and has always been the one who runs around after us and our problems. Pretty much the only 2 people I truly care about are my sisters. We've all been through so much crap throughout our lives. I can tell my older sister is unhappy with her life.. she moved away to get away from all the drama and now has a nice house, car, boyfriend and a high paying job.. but her only family really is me and our little sister. If I go she'll only have my little sister - and to be honest my little sister barely sees her any more because she's more concerned with friends/boyfriends. I realise how much it will destroy them.. we lost our mother and that shattered our lives and altered them completely. That's why our dad's an alcoholic and our lives got screwed up. I know that if I kill myself they won't be able to handle it.. but despite knowing that, I can't keep on living just so they're kept content. I've had many half-arsed attempts over the years, and one I'd call serious.. but even that one wasn't completely serious really. But it has got to the point where I no longer get upset, no longer think "do I really want to die or am I secretly hoping I get saved?" and just want to do it and make sure it's done right. I've done the whole OD thing, as well as the wrist slitting thing.. but of course neither of them are 'true' methods (I'm not saying people don't die from them, nor does everyone not really want to die when they use these methods - of course people have and do.) I've been thinking a lot about hanging myself. It's relatively quick (compared to other methods.) I just know it will destroy what's left of my already emotionally screwed up family. I'm only 20 and can't live decade after decade just to keep them happy. I'll keep my note short and simple, "I love you, but how can you be expected to live when you don't love yourself? I'm sorry but I can't go on living for you. I'm happy and 100% sure about this, so try not to be too sad. It's nobody's fault. Hate me if it makes it easier for you to deal with. I'm selfish but I'm tired and can't be around any more. I'm sorry."