I'm going

[imgoingnow]

well, I origonally came here to help people, having previously attempted suicide. But now reading all these threads and what people have to say about their lives it makes me remember why I tryed before. So I've decided to do it. I hope none of your lives turn out as bad as mine has. And considering how bad my life is....that probably won't happen. I came here for help but it just made it worse.
Goodbye to you all.
I'll see you in hell


imgoingnow,

 

[imgoingnow]

you know what, I'm gonna give you guys a chance to save me. Because I know I don't want to die but its so hard. I'm sitting here in my car. <mod edit: moonstar89 - method> I'm staring through the windshield looking at the only person who needed me, and loved me. It's my dog. And now because he's sick I can't pay for the operation. I am sobbing right now because it is just so hard to stare out at him. As he wimpers and scratches at the window. He knows I'm leaving and can't do anything. A don't want to die but I don't want to stick around and wait for him to die. But if I go he'll be alone and scared.......I dunno what to do.......:'(....In 15 mins I'll turn on the engine...untill them I'm on my laptop hoping to find an excuse not to kill myself. If only I had to courage to fight death like my dog. But I'm so weak. He's panicking..........its just so hard...I'm so sorry.....but I don't think I'm gonna make it. Pray for my dog...his name's max

 

[lightanddark]

I'm not sure what to say to you. You're ambivalent; you're reaching out for help. If the only help you'll accept is the help here, then there is help here, but professional help would help more. I hope you are able to accept the help you need.

 

[imgoingnow]

I know I need help, but I have no options other then my laptop and my dog, and niether is gonna do to well. I love my dog soo much and want to help him but I have no money.......if I had family I would goto them but there all dead...maybe I should take my dog with me.....it would be for the best....he doesn't have to long anyways....and it would be great...and peaceful.....I think me and max are going together.....

 

[kath]

i saw your post.i came online to talk to you.Stick around for a bit?

 

[imgoingnow]

you already got my time frame, but I don't want to die, how bout 20 minutes

 

[kindtosnails]

No one has no options. Please, find someone to talk to. Anyone. Have you tried getting help, professional help? Have you tried crisis lines? Is there a friend, a neighbor, anyone you could call? Have you read this? >> click What is it that makes your life so bad, that you've lost hope? x

 

[imgoingnow]

well besides the fact that only one person is here for me.....also the only one here for me is dying and I can't even help. He's dying and it's my fault. My parents are dead. I'm an only child and so were they. I have no friends.....no jobs...I probably don't even have enough gas in my tank to kill me.

 

[fojerbachas]

hey, imgoingnow, right now your dog is your best friend, so please stay alive for him. let us help you.

 

[imgoingnow]

thats my problem, He's dying and I can't help him, if I stay alive I'll have to see him die. Although if I kill myself he'll be scared and alone for the last days of his life. I am to weak to watch him die. I think I should just bring him with me.....we could play until we doze off......a perfect end to a horrible life

 

[kath]

Firstly welcome to SF.There are lots of people here.With many different problems.We treat as individuals.We try to listen to each other,help where we can and respect each others pain.i hear your pain and desperation through your posts.Personally i think you could end up finding this place very helpful.i may be wrong and im sorry you have found some of the posts here triggering or sparking bad memories of your own experiences [sometimes that happens,please be careful] but there are people on this forum who have been there for me time and time again and im sure i'll need them again......and my sitatuion is far from easy either.Please give us a chance.im glad your here tonight,that your getting to know people.Please keep talking but my worry is that you understand that we cant help you significantly change your life in fifteen minutes.But we can be here with you as you go through this.

Youve made a brave first step.Thats brill.im going to be a hypocrite adn tell you i hope you will find the courage to go and get more help now.i think thats what you need.But its cool if you cant.Though its different for each person we have some idea of how hard it is.We are here.

Feel free to private message me anytime if you would prefer to talk privately orneed a friend.i hope to see you around some more and that things begin to pick up for you.

Take care
kath

 

[kindtosnails]

Why do you feel it's your fault? There are always solutions, i believe in that and i believe there are better solutions for you, and for Max. You've stumbled upon an entire forum of people who will try their best to be there for you, can you maybe trust in that long enough to investigate some of your other options?

 

[fojerbachas]

look: it doesnt have to be like this! i know that you cant help your dog, but you can be with him, and he can be with you. i know animals can be very intelegent and i can bet, that your dog feels your pain better than i can or anybody else. so please, just be there for him.

 

[imgoingnow]

......

 

[kath]

i just want to say ive been here a while but ive rarely seen a thread by a new member get so many responses so so quickly.People really want to help you or at least be there for you.Your pain really comes through.

 

[fojerbachas]

j u s t WAIT and TALK to US

 

[kath]

Should i give up on life too then?

 

[imgoingnow]

guys (and gals) it's easy for you to say what your saying but in my situation theres no way out. Lets assume decide not to....then my dogs dies and I have nothing, i can't keep up on rent.....i'll have nothing.......just looking at my dog makes me cry....knowing whether I stay or go he's dying......it's to much.....:'(....i don't think i can watch any longer....he's knows I gonna die....and he knows he will to.....*sigh*...btw kath you have no idea whats happening...if your life is half as bad as mine then I wouldn't blame you for taking your own life.....why.....my dog has been with me 15 years then at the worst time possible he gets sick....it isn't fair

 

[fojerbachas]

imgoingnow - im writhing here and i am here not just for me, nor just for my problems, but i feel that a group of people CAN help each others. and it doesnt matther, that its virtual reality, the pain is real: for you and for all of us. so please, help US help YOU.

 

[kath]

Sorry my comment wasnt meant as an argument.i knwo it probably came over as that.i would like to help you.That is all.You are right.i have no clue about much about you just as you know little about me.i would like to be your friend.i would like to hear more.i know how my comment sounded.i did not mean it in that way.i am just worried for you.i hear your pain.