Yesterday, I have finally told off my controlling, assholic, insensitive husband of 13 long years! And so, since the family has been separated for almost 11 months now, I'm most likely gonna do it <mod edit - timeline>. I just don't know how yet. All I know is that it will be a big relief for everyone, and I am not scared to die anymore. For everything I have gone through these last 5 years, and not really having the support system from the people closest to me, I just can't justify doing this again year after year until I am 80 years old. I would want to go now. I'm 39 years old. Anyway, I just needed to get that out. The only thing I will miss are my daughters growing up. But I feel like this is my fate and all of this is happening for a reason. I just hope that God can forgive me and put me somewhere more inviting for people living with mental illness.