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I'm hanging by a thread

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by jpfendler, Dec 2, 2008.

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  1. jpfendler

    jpfendler Member


    I'm not sure if this is the right place to be, I figured I would try it here, my mind has become consumed with thoughts of suicide and now its how, when, and where. I have tried to distract myself from those thoughts but I can't. The pain is more then I care to explain, I just know that being dead the pain will be gone forever. I am tired of pretending that everything is okay, If anyone could see past the fake smiles they'd see tear, if anyone took the time to pay attention to what is going on with me instead of just putting it as she'll get over it, or just snap out of it. Finailly they will see that My feelings or depression was alot more then being able to just snap out of it. they will see that I did have feelings. they will then realized they should have taken me seriously when I say that i'm hurting really bad. I am sorry that it took something this drastic to open their eyes and see that I had feelings too.:sorry:
  2. HappyAZaClaM

    HappyAZaClaM Guest

    don't be sorry. no no no... as to pretending everything is ok, I haven't
    a clue. I thought that's what everybody did. and that depressed people
    are the ones who see thru their own and everyone elses BS. makes it
    harder to pretend :smile: a LOT harder :blink:

    I am going to leave this post with a link to a goofy video that always
    cheers me up simply because it is so weird :laugh:

    hopefully someone else will be along soon and actually say something bright.
    hang in there jpfender. I know, I know, phooey on "hang in there" I know
    what ya mean...know what that feels like. but, I mean it actually. hang
    tight. one day at a time. one minute at a time. try and have a couple
    good minutes and work your way up? it isn't easy. I'm babbling now.
    hope you are ok!!

  3. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear you are finding it so tough at the moment. Wearing that mask of everything is fine gets too much at times. The thing I find about the forum which really helps is that I don't have to wear it here. I think it's something a lot of us try to do in the real world mainly because out there people just don't understand. I fight against the idea of suicide every day and have found my biggest ally to be the people I chat to in here. As Happy says you don't need to be sorry for anything. Pm me if you feel you need to chat.S.
  4. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Well your feelings and thoughts are never let to go unnoticed here hun. And yes it is very tragic that it takes us to be hanging by a thread to have anyone notice, if they even do then. But we all learn how to wear that fake smile and happy face so well that it can actually become our worst enemy. Hun could you possibly sit right down with a few important people in your life and just tell them straight out... I'm not okay!! Sometimes they only the see or barely even know the surface of our pain. But once you tell them, they cant ignore it any longer. Not much help sorry, but please keep posting and let the members help you through this as best they can. We all care hun let us show you how much okay?
  5. LostSpirit

    LostSpirit Well-Known Member

    Think most of us can relate to how you are feeling at the moment, if you need to chat feel free to PM me anytime

    stay safe my friend


  6. jpfendler

    jpfendler Member

    Thank you all for your kind words.I'm new to this site so I am not sure how to do things. I don't even know what pm means. sorry I just haven't yet figured thing out, so if someone can help me i would appreacate it.
    Thank you :sad:
  7. LostSpirit

    LostSpirit Well-Known Member

    Pm's are private messages, if you click on my username.. it will give you the option on sending me a message! hope that helps x
  8. jpfendler

    jpfendler Member

    Hi, I have been having a very bad day and it keeps getting worse. I am on edge right now I feel like I can blow. My Dr. has me on a medicatinn that is suppose to help me calm down abit. he said he's concerned of what he called spontanious suicide, it means that any little thing that hits me at the wrong time , then without even thinking about how , when and were, I will just do it. He said thats the worse kind of suicide because if you're just thinking about it or even making plans then there is still time to get somewhere for help in some cases. so he's afraid of me acting on impluse, and you know what I am actually afraid of that myself. My problem is I tend to hold on to an awfull lot then I break, and if I had a gun with me today I'd have no problem pulling the trigger. Right now I have medication besides the depression meds, I have stuff that could kill me if I took to much or if I stopped taking them it could kill me. I have dangerously high blood pressure and dangerously high heart rate, and I,m not even that old. anyways knowing what I could do to myself scares me but also gives me relief knowing that I no longer have to force a smile, keep saying I'm fine, when really a smile turned upside down is a sad face, and fine really means
    F-**** I won't write the word
    I insecure
    N nerotic
    E emotional

    I feel everyone of those. I have a question for you all how come you care for me when you don't even know me? I'm no one special, Theres probably alot of other people here that need you. If you did know me you'd probably turn and run real fast. Well thanks for listening. Judi:depressed
  9. TheDayThatNeverComes

    TheDayThatNeverComes Active Member

    Don't you just hate it when people tell you 'snap out of it'. 'get your act together'. 'try to..'

    I hope meds help you..
  10. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member

    you are smart and honest. i cannot say much other than i relate to a lot of what you say regarding your history and diagnosis and although its not much i would like to extend an hand of friendship if i can help. my msn is mystikspirit@msn.com

    sam x
  11. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Just because we don't know you doesn't mean we don't care. we can relate to how you are feeling and know how difficult it is. Whether you believe it or not, I care.I care for each and every person on this forum. If you need to talk feel free to PM me :hug:
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