im having a problem

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by josh123, Apr 25, 2012.

  1. josh123

    josh123 Member

    i dont know if this is in the right forum or not but in the past 2 months ive gone through some tramatic things in my life that i cant seem t handle so i just decided to put it here. im 23 and in just a few short weeks i leave for a military obligation in the desert i will more than likely end up in afgahnistan which i hope dosent happen but my girlfriend of almost two and a half years left me she was a very sweet girl she was like a year and a half younger than me but she recently decided to leave me right before i leave and its very painful because i loved her very deeply and as cliche as it may sound i really did and i guess she just stopped loving me. we used to fight alot and argue and i was a bad boyfriend to her and i feel horrible like a ugly person for some of the ways i treated her i mean i never hit her or did anything like that i would never do that we just argued all alot and i would be upset and we just didnt work and i just wasnt a very nice guy at times but other times i feel i was amazing in many ways im a really good person i believe but i have issues my whole entire life has been just filled with disappointment and ive battled with depression and anxiety but i feel nasty and ugly for the way i acted in the relationship and im afraid ive lost the best thing in my life she was sweet loving and caring and i destroyed it because im a horrible person and now shes blocked me completely out of her life right before i leave and acts as tho she has no feelings for me what so ever and she dosent i know this but between her leaving and me leaving i find no happyness but death
     
  2. josh123

    josh123 Member

    and its not so much that i got left its the shit i did to make it bad and the way i treated that person that makes me feel i cant live with myself for it because i lost the best thing ill ever have i just feel horrible of the way i acted and the things i said and did and now i leave and i cant fix it or get it back
     
  3. gem77

    gem77 Well-Known Member

    i feel a little lost myself so cannot really offer advice. have you tried telling her your sorry, maybe in time she can forgive you and maybe you can forgive yourself. i dont know the situation but maybe you need to give her time?? sorry if this sounds like generic advice, just my gut instinct im giving you.
     
  4. josh123

    josh123 Member

    yea i just dont understand im afraid i lost the best thing thats ever happened to me and ill never find another like her and im scared to death of that to be honest i hope there is someone out there better for me than her bit i just miss her everyday and i dont really now i mean i an say that she was always selfish and very immature in alot of ways and usually only worries about herself alot of the time and we never saw eye to eye on alot of thins im still just trying to figure it out everyone i talk to tells me i cant take all the blame for it because as they stood on the outside they saw alot of fault in her as well and tel me straight up that its not all my fault that she did have alot of fault and that as they looked in on the relationship they saw alot of bad qualities in her and the good thing is my parents have never sheltered me ever so i know they wouldn't candy coat this they always have given it to me like it is thank you for your advice im glad someone has replied to m post
     
  5. gem77

    gem77 Well-Known Member

    sorry i cant be of much help. But from what you say it sounds like even though you two were having problems you cared for her deeply and i think thats a good thing. i can never say i've ever felt that way about someone before. i guess only you know how to deal with this as i dont really know the person. but i dont believe that there is just one person out there for each so please dont feel like you will never have that feeling again as you sound very caring. i hope in time you figure out what you want. take care.
     
  6. josh123

    josh123 Member

    yea i tell myself that everyday that there is someone out there way more suited for me than her and all the problems i had to deal with when i was with her just still shitty how she has done me but that you i know sometime eventually i will find that other person that will treat me better and ill have that love for again and they will appreciate it but yes i really did care deeply and love her but i have to get over why would i want to care for someone who doesn't care the same in return and treats me horribly