This might be a bit lengthy, but its something thats been on my mind for a while now. Give it a read. Worse thing that happens is you don't get back the 5 minutes it took to read this. I have been suicidal many times in my life. I think the youngest time was when I was 9 and <Mod Edit, Methods> in the same room as my dad watching tv. It took him a few minutes to see what I was doing. I was young then. Now, I'm 21, and its safe to say I have depression, despite being an averagely happy guy. It comes in spurts, but it happens every day. My emotions get brought down and I just start feeling sad out of nowhere. Then I hear the same things I've heard many times. "Suicide is the only way out", "All your problems go away", "Life isn't worth living", etc. The only one of those that I still think is true is "All your problems go away". Why I think that is because the skew of my recent problems. I have debt for failing college twice, my landlord gave me a verbal warning about eviction, I've got phone bills and even psychologist bills for the reason I'm on here. Plus, there's the daily pot, but that stuff has helped me relax with all this so I'm not crying every day, more once every week. I lost my fulltime job recently because I got in an accident in a company car, and now work part time at a grocery store trying to pay these bills back. I'm also alone a lot. I draw myself more and more inward, regardless of how much I want to talk to people. Its a trust issue caused by a former friend that I can't seem to get over. If I tell anyone about my problems (these along with trauma from when I was young, and many other small problems), I feel like I'm just casting my burdens aside and making them drag my shit. Also there's the pot. But, pot actually gets me thinking. The first time I ever started thinking while high, I psychoanalyzed myself. If you really want your opinion on my own self-psychoanalysis (that I've never run by a psychologist) inbox me and I'll tell you. The latest time I was high, it occurred to me that I'm taking suicide as an answer to everything that goes bad. Because its such a common answer in my head for a long time in my life, that's where ALL of my confidence is going. Which is wrong. It should be going to fulfill my dreams or get a girl, but its not, and I don't know how to fix that. All I know... is confidence comes with certainty. I don't want to die. I don't. I want an out to my problems, but suicide sounds like the best bet. I don't want to leave my family, friends, and everyone else who knows my name. I keep picturing my funeral and how many people there are there. All I need to do is shift my confidence towards something else, but I don't know how to do that or what to shift it to.