I'm having relationship problems

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Jsh, Feb 4, 2015.

  1. Jsh

    Jsh New Member

    This is quite the complicated and crazy story so I'll try my best to tell it so you all understand.

    I have been working at this place a warehouse to be specific, for 2 years now. I've made some friends there and what not just like anybody would. Well maybe the first two months I have been working there I was immediately attracted to this young girl will say her name is Sarah. Before each work day we have our daily meeting. So I sat across from Sarah everyday for those first two months. Before the meeting would start everyone be settling in and getting into their seats so I figured I'd try and talk to her. Well she at first would talk back like normal and give me full sentences but after a few weeks she would start getting more and more distant with the conversations. You know give me one word answers and not make eye contact. So I did what anyone would do when they notice this and stop talking to them cuz you feel like they just don't like you.

    During the work time tho I would try and say things to her if we were passing paths. Like “hi” or “how's it going?” and she would answer me like normal so I didn't really know how to take her at this point. Well as the weeks went on I would talk to other people I made friends with and then their were people I weren't comfortable with that I would try to avoid. That’s when another girl comes in. We'll say her name is Emily. When I first met Emily I immediately knew I wasn't going to like this girl. She was just one of those people that over talk you when you are talking and she makes mean rude comments about everything so obviously I would try and avoid her.

    Well there's a third girl. We're calling her Jane. Jane and I instantly clicked there was no sexual interest involved for either of us and we became best friends. So for weeks and weeks I would just talk to Jane (among others that are not involved in the story) and Sarah was avoiding me and I was avoiding Emily. Jane was also a very outgoing person, she made friends with everybody their. She knew everyone B.S and gossip throughout that place. So she was good friends with Sarah and Emily. Well before are meetings I was sitting with Jane and because Emily and Sarah were her friends they decided to sit with us. Jane, Sarah, and Emily would sit there and talk about whatever and I would throw in my 2 cents from time to time and that’s just how it was going for months.

    Well one night I got pretty drunk and went on facebook and look Sarah up. I found her and I was thinking and all I said was “hey I want to talk to you about something is that okay?” and maybe it was a bit creepy but again I wasn't thinking. Didn't matter much anyway because she never responded and the way she was acting around me didn't change at all. So I didn't mention it to her and she didn't say anything. So then a few more days go on and Jane blurting mentions Sarah boyfriend. I was kinda shocked because even when she was kinda talking to me she never mentioned a boyfriend. So I pretty much just accepted it and respected it and just left alone from here on out.

    Well then one day, Jane and I were sitting on the table and she flat out asks me if I would go out with Emily. I looked at her for a few seconds to see if she was joking or not and when I realized she wasn't I nicely said “I'm sorry I don't like her like that” and Jane just said “oh, OK.” and I thought that was the end of it. Until one night I got a random number messaging me that said “hey” and before I even answer it another message came that said “send nudes ;)” so I kinda figured it was Emily so I didn't answer her back.

    So all summer long and all of fall and all of winter it was the same thing. I would talk to Jane, Jane talked to Emily and Sarah, I didn’t talk to either Emily or Sarah. For two years it went on like that. Until maybe 2 weeks before Christmas, Sarah was walking past me and I stopped her. I asked her if she was going to a Christmas party that another co worker was throwing at his house. She answered me straight up and said she was going. Than I said “oh cool, I was thinking of going but didn't want to go if I didn't know anybody.” she told me that bunch a people around here were going. So I said cool I see ya there. And she smiled and said cool and walked away. So maybe 10 minutes later she comes walking by and I stopped her again and I said this “hey I'm not usually the nicest person but I just want you to know that you look phenomenal” she blushed, smiled and then said “thanks” and walked away. The christmas party she came alone there was no boyfriend and her and me were talking pretty good almost like we were coming friends so I was getting my hopes up pretty high. Then a week after that I actually got her number and again I got kinda drunk (FYI she drinks too) and I messaged her with “I will always be envy of whoever has you” She didn't appreciate that and blew up “with lose my number, dude” “I'm not doing this” stuff like that so I respond with “so you and me don't stand a chance” she said something like sorry buddy but no. So I didn't want to sit there and feel like a loser so I made a small joke that I won't share and she actually joked back about it. So then I told her I was planning on quitting this job but as long as she was working there I would suffer through it. She said 'awww how sweet” then she said she was going to bed and that was the end of it.

    Now to this day, Jane no longer works there. Sarah, Emily, me and like three other people sit at our table and its the same. I don't talk to Sarah or Emily and everyone just has there convo and I throw in my two cents and thats all it has been from the last time I messaged her to today.

    To make this long story short I probably could have just told it this way. Emily has a crush on me. I have no desire to be with her. I like Sarah and I'm pretty convinced Sarah likes me, but because she is friends with Emily who likes me she won't go out with me because of her friend. Thats the problem I'm dealing with!
  2. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    Wow okay - long story!

    I am just going to weigh in here as a woman and from an outside perspective; it does not sound like Sarah is interested in you. When a girl is interested in a guy, she talks to him, she responds to his Facebook messages and she doesn't pop a cork when/if he gets her number and messages her. She said in simple plain English that you and her do not stand a chance. I am unsure how much clearer a girl can be that she doesn't like a guy.

    If you would leave your job aside from Sarah, I really think you need to look at moving on. I assume since you are posting on Suicide Forum that this situation is distressing you - the best thing you can do for yourself at this point is move on.
  3. Jsh

    Jsh New Member

    it is...and I may have left out some small details that are hard to describe. one detail is that I catch her staring at me a lot and I know that could go anyway but if she really had no feelings for me I don't think she would respond to my messages, or stare at me the way she does.
  4. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    I recommend that you stop trying to interpret stares or whatever. This girl told you that you do not stand a chance - maybe try respecting her enough to accept a "no" for what it is. I am sorry if that sounds harsh, but no is no - that doesn't just apply to sex.
  5. Jsh

    Jsh New Member

    I respect your advice and opinion but I feel like this girl has feelings for me. if I could just put you into my shoes and show you what I have seen and experienced with this issue maybe you would understand but since I can't I can only do what I feel is right. maybe she doesn't love me and I am wasting my time. but she could be playing hard to get. maybe she shy and feels like she doesn't deserve me but whatever it is until she makes it so obvious that even a blind man can see she hates me I will continue to assume I have a chance
  6. TrentGrad

    TrentGrad Well-Known Member

    It seems like she did tell you though. I mean I know it sucks, but sometimes we see what we want to see...and so if she said "lose my number" the last time you kind of made a pass, and then told you no, there doesn't seem to be any way to navigate this where it won't blow up in your face.
  7. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    She stares at you because she is afraid of you or that you are following her or thinking about her. The only thing that will happen by continued efforts after being told so bluntly is that you will end up with genuine problems and hope she only reports it to the employer as harassment, and not police.
  8. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    Let me try a little harder to explain the issue to you here:

    If you wanted to have sex with a girl and she said there was no way in hell, and you persisted because you felt like she had not made it "obvious enough" or you interpreted her body language in a way that suggested that didn't really MEAN no (maybe she did want sex but was too shy, maybe she is just playing hard to get), it would be RAPE.

    This is not different.

    She does not have to make it more obvious. She does not have to act a certain way or look at you a certain way to demonstrate to you that she is not interested. She TOLD you no. She specifically said to lose her number and when you asked if there was any chance for the two of you she said NO. This is not ambiguous - you do not get to decide that her NO does not actually mean no because you are interpreting things differently.

    She. Said. NO.

    NO I did not give you my number and do not want you to have it "Lose it"
    NO I am not interested and there is no chance for us "Sorry buddy but no"

    This is not about doing what you FEEL is right (determined by what you want to happen and how you want things to go) it is about doing what IS RIGHT.

    If you really do not understand that NO MEANS NO - not just regarding sex, but regarding unwanted attentions and boundries too, I really urge you to get yourself some help immediately.
  9. Bert29

    Bert29 Account Closed

    I agree.
    But you could do what you want, if you still think you have the chance, go and try it, life is full of risks.