I'm her for the same reason as everyone else...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by usedman93, Aug 5, 2010.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. usedman93

    usedman93 Member

    ...because I can't take it anymore! i see how this world is twisted and just... fucked up!

    why? you ever hear that bad things happen to good people? it's true.

    this happened a long time ago, and i... well, im not sure if i moved on properly, but my dad got cancer and died. then came my stepfather. these events also happened long ago:

    i would be beaten. because i want good enough. i was too slow, too stupid, i didn't pay attention enough, and im realizing that it was because i wasn't just right. i wasn't like his kids.

    now, my brother and i are stuck at home because we aren't able to help him. but that's not the problem.

    daily, we are told to clean the house, and it is separated into 2 lists of chores. even sets of chores. my brother didn't do his, and i did, and we're now BOTH put on a grueling set of "work chores" tomorrow, on top of having to help move heavy objects. with my step father. oh, joy.

    in this world, good people who just shut up and do what they're told get punished because someone else didn't do what was expected of them? that wounds like an ass-backwards way of approaching things...

    it leads me to think... I'm one of those people. and i get royally fucked over, even though i fulfilled my task, as was expected of me? it's not the kind of world that i'd like to live in.

    but something... i don't know what... is telling me to come here. telling me to hold on...

    there's something else, though, my stepfather plays off of my usual forgetfulness, and lack of mechanical insight, and i'm not very athletic, so it makes me feel completely useless. like i should just die to make everyone's life better.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 5, 2010
  2. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend


    i am glad you came here; thank you for sharing your story.

    your situation sounds extremely difficult, i'm not sure how old you are but it's not right, the way your stepfather is treating you and your brother.

    we all come here for a very similar reason, you're right. and it is that part inside of us, in my opinion, that part that wants us to hang on. to stay here because we know deep down there is a chance for us, to move beyond what is causing us pain, today.

    i read a quote once, not sure who wrote it, and it said "today is not my always".

    at one time that quote, and the friends i met here, helped me hang on and eventually, my life turned.

    thanks again for posting, i hope you find support here. . . there are many great people on this forum. i wish you all the best.....
  3. usedman93

    usedman93 Member

    i'm feeling a bit better now, since I've shared this with you... but the want is still there... but it's seeming a little less of a good idea. I've been thinking of it for quite a while now, but i never told anyone about it before.

    tbh, i cried going through all of this, and typing it down... but it feels a bit less of an issue now...
  4. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi usedman and welcome to SF. Your stepdad sounds like a real hardass. You should have told him that you did all of your chores, but your brother didn't do any of his. He should have to do double the chores for not doing his. Hang in there man. Eventually you will move out and be done with your stepdad. Please don't give up. :hug:
  5. Black Beauty

    Black Beauty Well-Known Member

    I'm very sorry to hear about your situation. I'm so sorry that you have lost your dad!

    How old are you?

    If you're still a child it makes it very hard, but one thing some people eventually have to learn in this life is this - that you have to learn to manipulate the manipulator.

    You will find that in life some people are cruel and unkind - but the only way to deal with them is to not be kind to them or nice and appeasing - but rather give them a taste of their own medicine (but in a subtle way).

    There are some great books about how to do this in most public libraries. Make yourself someone who other people are unable to walk all over. Make it so that if anyone tries to break you down, they'll regret it.

    I'm not advocating violence or harm, but rather just making yourself strong enough that if someone tries to screw you over, you're not the one who ends up suffering for it.

    It's hard to explain but look up a book: A Guide to Winning the War against Deceitful Individuals. It's more directed at adult business relationships but there are values you can apply to ordinary everyday life as well.

    Long story cut short - if you're more intelligent than your stepfather, you can always be one step ahead of him so that he can't make you feel bad anymore. It's hard, and I wish you all the best in your endeavours. If you fail, don't worry, don't beat yourself up too much, just learn from the lesson and try harder next time.
  6. usedman93

    usedman93 Member

    thanks so much... i'll have to read it.

    my step dad is a lot smarter than me, and he's always steps ahead in the first place, and, i'm backed into a corner because he scares me.

    i'm 16, and he towers over me, and hes literally tougher than nails.

    i say this because he was talking while nailing (with an air powered nail gun) and he shot one through his hand, paused, pulled it out with his teeth, and continued talking. i said something, and then he said, "gee, i might need a band-aid."

  7. Black Beauty

    Black Beauty Well-Known Member

    Another good book is:


    It's more directed at stable relationships as opposed to abusive ones but it does help build your confidence in some ways.

    Haha, that's a cute emoticon you have used at the end of your message by the way.

    Anyway, I realise it's hard for you but just know that at the age of 16 that's one of the most significant years of your life where you can build yourself up to becoming a good man so when you grow up you can help people and make a positive difference in the world.

    Yes, it's painful that your step-dad makes life unbearable for you and your brother. But if you can bear through it just know that one day you'll be able to be proud of yourself for who you've become and know that that's who your father would have wanted you to be had he been around to see it.

    I know it's easier said than done and I'm having to work this through in my own life too. But I hope you'll keep posting here and updating us on how you're getting along.
  8. usedman93

    usedman93 Member

    i will, dont worry, i'm feeling even better now... the feeling is like a shadow at the back of my mind now

    another thing, my expression was similar to that emoticon XD.
  9. flowingriver

    flowingriver Well-Known Member

    Usedman93, that was funny. It made me laugh just picturing it.
  10. usedman93

    usedman93 Member


    I have to say, that I took the time to listen to some songs that a friend of mine listened to when he was having similar thoughts, and they helped a lot.

    Among them was a song that took a very literal approach for such an episode that I had, Jumper, by Third Eye blind.
  11. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    hi....glad you are feeling some better. . . .

    i am going to go have a listen at the song that you referenced, "Jumper"
    Third Eye Blind is a favorite of mine. . . maybe i can learn from you and from your friend.

    you are very young, btw, to carry this burden. i am thinking of you, hoping things work out
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.