I just wanted to write as its been a while since I was on. I have been so busy with work, yet suicide is always in my mind. The long midnight jobs Im working keeps me tired, but at least its paying the bills.. I hope. But still, I am now so incredibly alone. My room mate moved out for a new job 1000miles away, so I am all alone. I feel depressed!. I just dont know how or where to go in life, even if I wanted to stay alive, but that is my conflict of mind. Whether to stay or to go. On one hand, I am still somewhat hopeful to find someone, have a family and the great "american dream". On the other hand, I am simply tired of chasing that dream, when it seems that I cant even see it anymore. I dont know, I am just tired.. ok maybe its the fact that I have been up 16 hours now, and just got off work. So off to bed I go.