I just want to die so desperately... Every day is another hell to go through, worse than the one before... and the nights aren't better either... I was up crying until 2 am last night, and as soon as I get to my room in a couple of minutes, it won't be any different... once I'm in my room at night, I simply break down, I can hardly keep myself from crying during the day just because I don't want to have to go through being laughed at and treated even worse because of that...
As my so-called friends keep ignoring me, even the new ones I make, what's the point anyway? Everyone always treats me like this sooner or later, no matter what I do or how many new people I meet it's always the same thing: I'm only a tool, as soon as they don't need me, I don't exist for them, or anyone else...
I've tried to reach out, because I once was stupid enough to believe they cared... they laughed, convinced that me wanting xxxx was just a joke... and online isn't that much different... I've been called an attention seeker more than once, or simply get ignored...
I can't keep going like this... my head keeps torturing me, with dreams about my "friends" being what they never were to me: real friends, having happy dreams only makes it worse once I wake up, because I wake up to a reality that's the polar opposite of the dream.
I might try to strangle myself again tonight... idk, I just hope I stop feeling fast enough... by tomorrow night nobody will remember me anyway, and most don't even know if I'm still alive and clearly don't care either (some of my so-called "friends" haven't talked to me in months... and me trying to contact them only made it worse, they completely ignored me).
I don't know what I want out of this thread, but I felt I had to do it... I'm broken beyond repair, just a waste of time, space and money (I guess my family is right on that)...
As my so-called friends keep ignoring me, even the new ones I make, what's the point anyway? Everyone always treats me like this sooner or later, no matter what I do or how many new people I meet it's always the same thing: I'm only a tool, as soon as they don't need me, I don't exist for them, or anyone else...
I've tried to reach out, because I once was stupid enough to believe they cared... they laughed, convinced that me wanting xxxx was just a joke... and online isn't that much different... I've been called an attention seeker more than once, or simply get ignored...
I can't keep going like this... my head keeps torturing me, with dreams about my "friends" being what they never were to me: real friends, having happy dreams only makes it worse once I wake up, because I wake up to a reality that's the polar opposite of the dream.
I might try to strangle myself again tonight... idk, I just hope I stop feeling fast enough... by tomorrow night nobody will remember me anyway, and most don't even know if I'm still alive and clearly don't care either (some of my so-called "friends" haven't talked to me in months... and me trying to contact them only made it worse, they completely ignored me).
I don't know what I want out of this thread, but I felt I had to do it... I'm broken beyond repair, just a waste of time, space and money (I guess my family is right on that)...