I'm in a bad way after a terrible break up

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by thom99, Nov 9, 2010.

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  1. thom99

    thom99 Member

    I'm in a bad way.

    My girlfriend, who I lived for has left me out of the blue. She says she doesn't love me anymore. And she broke up with me in the most humiliating terrible way.

    She did that last week, I nearly killed myself last Friday but backed out of respect for my mother (the only other person I have significant feelings for).

    I met up with my girlfriend last night, and it felt like I had her back for a moment, I've felt good all day today. But she came around tonight and it hit me so hard, like a knife in the back - that she doesn't want me and she is only here out of guilt. And she admitted that.

    I'm devastated. The only two people I have ever cared about is her and my mother. The way things have turned out are killing me from the inside. Our lives our so intertwined, everything we do, we do it together. She's the only person to ever make me feel alive.

    And now she's killing me. I have spoke to the samaritans but that didn't help. The only two things I want to live for is my mother and for the chance to get back with my girlfriend. The latter isn't going to happen after tonight's events. I'm holding on by the desparately to what little I have.

    My girlfriend is the only one I can speak to about my feelings too. I dont have anyone else, as I cannot bare to put my mother through it as she has been through too many tough times
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    just wanted to say hello and welcome. keep writing. you now have someone else to open up to, us here at SF. i am certain that there are other people here who have experienced just what you are feeling right now. are there other crisis lines where you are? samaritans didn't work for me but there was an alternative that had a really nice guy working the phones. he really helped me. have you considered counselling? extra supports can really help when it's an emergency, and this sounds like an emergency to me. welcome, again.
  3. thom99

    thom99 Member

    Thanks for replying.

    I dont want to speak to someone I dont know on the phone really.

    I'm hoping I might find some solace on here. I know I dont want to kill myself, but I would like to go to sleep and not wake up.

    I feel like my soul has been ripped out of me.
  4. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    been there and worn the t-shirt.
    it takes time for such a wound to heal, you need to talk about it as much as possible.
    Feel free to pm me anytime, I really do know what you're going thru :hug:
  5. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    It would be totally devastating for your mom if you committed suicide. You really have no idea how unbearable it would be for her.
  6. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Hi thom I really do understand what you're going through....it hurts like hell but you can get through it....we're all here to help and listen...
    have you spoken to your doctor about the suicidal thoughts?.
    You should be very proud that you don't want to leave your Mum with the pain and grief your loss would cause....
    take care
  7. thom99

    thom99 Member

    Thanks for listening guys.

    I really wish I hadn't woke up this morning. I feel that I am only living, not to hurt my mother. I cant enjoy anything, I'm so lonely.

    I stayed up most of last night crying on the phone to my (ex) girlfriend. She's the only one I can speak to. But it's the sharpest of double edged swords, because I'm desperately clinging on to the hope that she'll see her senses and come back to me. But if she doesn't I'm just prolonging the agony for me. I dont think I can just cut her out of my life at the moment.

    The line in one of the other posts which says something like 'if you love something let it go, if it loves you back it will come back to you', I believe to be true. However I fear that she wont ever come back and that's why I dont want to let go now. The thing is her reasons for breaking up are based on false truths. Things have influenced her and she has a warped sense of reality and what we had. And I cannot reason with her because her mind is made up - and it's agonising because I cannot get her to see the truth.

    I'm taking baby steps at the moment, one hour at a time.
  8. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    this is a hard place to be.

    I think that you can gain something out of this experience though.

    Being in a place where you are really dependent on having a relationship in order to keep from killing yourself is not a healthy place to be. And I think that it could be that being that dependent is what caused your relationship to break up in the first place.

    Showing your gf that you can be without her and be ok is the path that is most likely to get you back together.

    When relationships break up, pretty much everyone feels bad, but becoming suicidal about it is really not something that a healthy person does.

    Going to therapy could be a really good thing for you. Could you do this?
  9. lachrymose27

    lachrymose27 Well-Known Member

    Hey Thom99,

    sorry about your heartbreak. How old are you? Just curious.

    Anyway, man, you have to let go. Think about it, she doesn't love you anymore. If you don't let her go, it would just upset her. If you loved her, do you want her to be upset?

    I've been heartbroken before, cried as you now do, really wanted to commit suicide. But, down the line, I realized that why try to keep someone who doesn't love you? Find that someone who actually does. When you recover from this pain, you will be a stronger person, you will be stronger for the next time you may or may not get rejected.

    You seem to have great respects for your mother, which is wonderful. It took me a long time to realize how important bondship with family is, usually, if not, always even more so than an ex-girlfriend.

    This is just a phase in your life, just one of many events, similar or not, that you must go through. If you are young, there are plenty more years ahead of you. Always remember: there are plenty of fish in the ocean.

    7 years ago i endured a heartbreak. 3 years ago endured another. 26 now, still searching for someone who cares, who loves. but i almost feel like its not going to happen. I shouldn't even say endured a heartbreak, thinking back, i'm not even quite sure what kind of relationship it was i had with those persons... i guess I can say i've been single forever. then again, i'm going off topic here, hope you have better luck than i.
  10. Hibino

    Hibino Member

    Hi Thom,

    I'm in a very similar position to you,we'd been together 8 years and she broke it off without any warning even though she claimed she still loved me. It was and still is very hard,she was also my best friend and cut ties completely.

    If there's anything i've learned from this experience,it's that if someone is capable and willing to hurt you this much then they aren't worth your tears. There will be someone who will appreciate and care for you as much as you deserve,even though it may not feel that way right now,but that's what i believe. Don't stop living your life,you never know who or what's around the corner,the first step is always the hardest.

    Feel free to pm me anytime if you ever want to talk

    To quote Nietzsche: "That which does not kill me,makes me stronger"
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