I dont know why I keep posting here. To be honest I usually stay away for a few days after I make a post and when I come back I forget to look at the replies. I guess I keep posting because it does a small bit to make me feel better... Im in real crisis.. Things are getting really bad for me. My stepdad said he would bring supplys for wall and floor repairs at my house. He didnt.. He then said to wait until his court date and then he would see what he could do. The court date has been moved to next month.. I cant function with all the bull shit going on.. The floors are weak, you can see outside in some places they are so seperated from the walls. A wall inside is about to fall over, theres a hole in my kitchen ceiling, my back door is almost off its henges, my front door has a rotten door frame too. Some of the windows are cracked and they wont stay shut, the screens are pitiful so bugs come in like crazy. Our stove pipe is coming down from the ceiling so it lets the rain water in.. This wasnt suppose to be a long term thing. My mom was suppose to be out of her place years ago so I could move into it. Now five years later Im still sitting, still waiting, still helpless, and still hopeless.. Im not loosing any weight, I feel so ugly. I feel like worthless, useless, trash..... Im so on edge. The dogs are under my feet and I cant hardly move without falling over one of them. I think they know somethings wrong.. Gas prices are so bloody high we cant leave the house much, even less then usual, so Im even more depressed then usual not being able to get away from the usual surroundings. Food prices have got so high we are already out of grocery money and what we have wont last long. Food pantries are closing down and are so streatched to their max they arent giving out much if they are able to stay open... The swine flu is in my state now with 14 confirmed cases at last I heard.. I dont know what to do..Im so behind on bills I had to ask one company to stop calling me. Now I throw away letters/statments I get from them because I get suicidle if I open and look at them. Im struggling for the minimun payments on other bills. Electric is so expencive Im not sure how much longer I can pay for the air conditioning that my son requires because of his asthma and allergies.. I feel helpless..I lost controll of my life a long time ago and I cant handle it.. I have been thinking of sneeking out in the middle of the night and laying in the street for something to hit me in the turn by our house.. Im crying a lot, Im yelling a lot, I hate waking up in the mornings and leaving my dreams to enter reality.. Thanks for reading..I know a lot of you have been in a place like I am.. It helps knowing Im not alone in this world but it hurts to know I wont be leaving the situtation Im in and it hurts knowing I wont be moving on to better things..