As I write this im in hospital. I took quite a serious overdose on <Mod Edit - Acy - Methods> and I've done quite a bit of damage. This isn't my first overdose, but i have been told if i happens again I won't survive it. This has left me with mixed feelings. I really don't want to be here anymore. I'm only 19 but i've gone through so much I feel like i've seen everything in life i can cope with and I just don't want to do this anymore. I've lost quite a few close relatives and I feel like i'd be better off being gone because I know i've never been as happy as i was when they were here and it feels more appealing than living does. At the same time, it shocked me. While i've had fairly serious overdoses only one has level permanent damage and was expecting either to be successful this time round or that i'd be okay and let out the next day where i'd try again. I've damaged up to 20% of my liver and I've damaged the lining of my stomach to the point it might have to be corrected by minor surgery and it has become ulcerated and I'm going to be starting a longish line of treatment tomorrow in order to hopefully heal my liver as best as possible. I've also burnt my throat from <Mod Edit - Acy - Methods>. I'm really not sure whether its idk, it might sound ungrateful but i'm really not sure I want to be here anymore and I'm scared that i really have no idea what i want out of life anymore. The pain is almost unbearable but Im not sure that its the damage thats hurting the most, my emotional state is crumbling and I just don't know what to do.