Wife and love of my life for 18 years has decided to leave. I still love her, she still loves me, but while I have been happy, for years she has struggled to be happy. She believes another relationship will bring her happiness, and has started an online relationship with another guy. When he moves here in a few weeks, she will decide if they click or not, and whether a separation will occur. My two teenage sons have no idea, and neither does anyone else yet, because I asked her not to separate until she is sure she wants to do this. I am facing the loss of who I feel is the love of my life. I actually told her we would be married before we even started dating. She didn't believe it, but here we are almost 20 years together later, until now. The level of pain is overwhelming, paralyzing. I gets worse every day, like a worm eating me from the inside out. I can try to run from it, distract myself, but I can't hide. It haunts me, finds me, then overwhelms me. Other problems occur from this. Another man will possible have my children living with him ... my role will be marginalized. Due to draconian laws, between alimony and child support I will become poor. I want to take care of her and my children, but I don't want to help support this other man, and I need enough left that I can provide a second home for my children to want to visit. My wife knows secrets that might ruin my reputation. I completely trust her with it, but not this new guy who will eventually find out. She doesn't keep secrets in a relationship. Shingles on my forehead have been acting up, so I'm walking through a haze of pai that feels like burns. I fear I have not been doing well enough at work through all this and it could jeopardize my income to support my family and myself. About half the day I am trying to envision a life beyond all this and failing, the other half I am making detailed suicide plans based on various situations so my life insurance policy goes to my family and I am out of the picture. I think I would be remembered fondly now, rather than the inexorable distance that will grow between me and everyone I love. I survived an attempt 20 years ago before I met my wife and that awoke an instinct to live that has kept me safe until now. That seems to have died. It's always been my wife that I lean on. Without my wife being able to comfort me, I cannot seem to find a second to escape this mounting torture.