I'm insane. There is nothing more for me.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Socialman, Aug 19, 2011.

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  1. Socialman

    Socialman Well-Known Member

    I'm insane. I can't hide it anymore. I can't make decisions for me anymore. Sometimes I tell myself that maybe God is real and that I should follow the Bible, and then sometimes I tell myself that the Bible doesn't make me happy since video game art is against my religion and is considered idol making. All I have to do is get a real job and work really hard until I die with my talent and potential (which I have none since I am broken) because that is what the Bible says. Then I feel like going secular because that will make me happy, but then everyone I love will hate me, so it won't make me happy because then I'll just be selfish for not submitting to God and I'll go to hell. Then I think that I'm angry and that I should make a virus to wipe out the entire human race because it isn't fair I ended up this way, but then I realize that is impossible and I'm the crazy one, so it's more logical that I die and everyone goes about their stupid hypocritical and contradictory business without me.
     
  2. Socialman

    Socialman Well-Known Member

    If I'm not supposed to love the world and everything in it for I won't have the father's love in me, then how do I determine what my calling is since I cannot love the material world, and if I don't have a calling then I don't have a goal and if I don't have a goal and hobbies, then how am I supposed to find a wife who will take me, and if I don't have a wife then I'm going against God even more by not mating. Why is it that none of these things match up. I feel like I'm going insane.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 19, 2011
  3. Anneinside

    Anneinside Well-Known Member

    I am not all that religious although I was raised in the Methodist faith and my father is a minister. I understand you having such strong religious beliefs but you have left out one thing - time. There is nothing in the bible that says you have to reach those goals now. Give it time. You don't know what is in the future for you.
     
  4. Socialman

    Socialman Well-Known Member

    And why is it that a "lie of omission" is allowed on an application. If I'm supposed to lie on a job application by omitting my mental state just to get a job, then that means I have to sin so I can't sin by being slothful. And then I have to talk highly of myself in a prideful manner in the interview in order to get a job, but pride is a sin, and if I do not see myself that way and just want to work so I don't sin, then the prideful things I say are a lie. If I don't speak of myself in such a manner though, then I won't get a job and I will sin by continuing to be slothful. But why should I sin in order to get a job, so I don't sin. It doesn't make sense.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 19, 2011
  5. Socialman

    Socialman Well-Known Member

    But what if I die in a car accident tomorrow? I won't have time, and if I don't have time and make the wrong decision then I will go to hell for eternity.
     
  6. Anneinside

    Anneinside Well-Known Member

    From what you have said about your religious beliefs then there is probably something that says that suicide is a sin and that you would go to hell (not that I believe that). If you have an accident it is not a sin and hell is not an issue. No one can be promised a certain future. Yes, you could die tomorrow in an accident but you could also live to be 98 years old. We don't know but we have to live like tomorrow will happen.

    My only child, Serena, died in a car accident when she was 16. She is in heaven. She had a good life while it lasted and she would have continued to have a good life.
     
  7. Socialman

    Socialman Well-Known Member

    Which is why I am stuck in limbo. If God is real and suicide is a sin, then I cannot commit suicide, despite being insane.

    But if none of these things match up then God is false, and if God is false then my insanity is part of a social order, and if I cannot kill myself because social order dictates that I'm insane, then I cannot die until I am old. Which means that I am stuck insane. Which is a danger to society as a whole.
     
  8. Socialman

    Socialman Well-Known Member

    No one takes my thoughts seriously. No one can give me answers, so what is the point of speaking about my insanity.
     
  9. Jelly

    Jelly Well-Known Member

    It's a way to cope and having those coping resources may help.

    I am so sorry to hear about your pain, it is really hurting you.
     
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