I'm invisible, again

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by catatonicocelot, Sep 17, 2013.

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  1. I recently started attending to a new school. I had many hopes of bettere teachers, better classmates, i thought that maybe i could even get friends. They are awesome people, but i am not their kind of guy. The mask i created many years ago is now my face, i can only take it off when i'm alone. They just think i'm a weird guy, the guy that makes you copy homework and helps you during tests. What would i be if i didn't do that? Noone really cares how i feel. I tried to tell them, indirectly, with music, pictures and words. It didn't work. I think about suicide every minute of the day, and i have nightmares when i'm asleep. I'm always tired, in class i look like a zombie. Maybe that's what i've become. I feel empty, helpless, hopeless, abandoned, worthless and different. I'm having problems at school, i can't concentrate at all, eeverything seems boring and pointless. I wish i had the courage to tell others about how i feel, but i know that they would not understand. Until something really bad happens, noone will really notice. And the worst part is that i don't have anyone to talk with. I just sit here, listening to sad music, refreshing social network pages hoping for something to happen. I just want to go to bed and never wake up. Maybe it's not what i want. Maybe i just want to be saved. But i know i can't be saved. Now, tomorrow, in a week, in a year, in ten years, nothing is going to change. So what's the matter if i kill myself now, and i put an end to all of my problems right here, right now? Noone is going to miss me, i am invisible, i don't exist.

    If anyone wants to talk, i'd be glad to.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You are NOT invisible hun isee you and i hear you You use the councelors at your school ok they won't judge you and will help you with self esteem issues and social skills

    Hun when one is depressed it is hard to reach out i do hope you talk to your doctor as well hun to get therapy or on meds to help decrease anxiety and sadness hugs
  3. msh

    msh Member

    If you have already been to a doctor please disregard the following.

    God, it kills me to see people suffer so much to the point of suicide without having seen a doctor. You might think it's stupid, what can a psychiatrist who knows nothing about you do for you? How can they make you magically popular and make all those feelings go away?
    I used to think just like that, and the answer is if you are that depressed a therapy session will probably not be very helpful, but medications will.
    What you described about how feel is what I think is treatable with medications. You won't believe the effects, suddenly you start to see things differently, think positively have more energy.
    Please please please just try it, go see a doctor right now. Tell them how you feel, they will refer you to a psychiatrist.
    Think about it this way, you feel bad, you admit that you are doing nothing about it, sitting in front of the computer all day hoping for a miracle.
    It won't happen! You have to take action.
    You owe it to yourself and the people around you to try.
  4. MdngtRain

    MdngtRain Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you are struggling so much right now. I hope you are able to reach out to a live person near you. Therapy can help, so can meds. There is hope. For me, talking brings such relief. I don't feel so utterly alone and burdened. It won't be a magic cure. It won't happen over night, but feeling better is possible. I felt a lot like you in school. It took me until my sophomore year in high school to finally reach out. The first guidance counselor I talked to sucked, but she was replaced later that year and I was able to find someone to confuse I'm. She saved my life in so many ways. If it wasn't for her, I would not have made it through school... (hugs) things get better, i promise.
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