I'm Jealous!!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Charliy, Jun 20, 2014.

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  1. Charliy

    Charliy Member

    When I hear about someone dying, the first thing that comes to my mind is "LUCKY"..... Why do I have be in this world just to avoid hurting others feelings, this sucks!
  2. shadowheart

    shadowheart Well-Known Member

    I know how you feel. I'm a bit the same.
    Unfortunately those of us who bear the emotional burden of depression and suicidal thoughts, often have to bear the burden of living for the sake of others as well.
    It is just something that we have to do. We have to be strong for the people around us so that they don't ever have to experience the same pain that we do every day.
    We have to live for them, even if it kills us.
    I think that it is the last and greatest gift that we can ever give and very few will ever understand what it cost us or appreciate the gesture.

    It's the only reason that I am still breathing.
    I hope you continue to stay with me for the sake of others.
  3. Charliy

    Charliy Member

    Thank you, that is much better way to look at it and I think you are right, very few would understand how hard this is and that they are the reasons we are still here. Most people live because they want to and can't even imagine wanting to die, they often fight to live as long as they can and fear death. How could they understand? I wouldn't want them to be in the same place I am just so they could. I would wish that upon no one!

    Thank you for replying .... I often feel like no one even hears me and my cries for help
  4. joetomasulo

    joetomasulo Member

    you heard my cry for help so I'm hearing yours
  5. Charliy

    Charliy Member

    Thanks Joe, So glad it's the weekend though cause now I can attempt to sleep it completely away! It's my only solace these days. My nightly prayer these days has been: " Now I lay thee down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, PLEASE LET ME DIE BEFORE I WAKE, I pray the Lord my soul to take." I am not even religious !! I was hospitalized three times last year for suicide attempts, since then I have gotten sober, it's been well over a year now and I don't feel any better, except now I have not been able to self medicate anymore. I am just waiting for some miracle to turn it all around, it's just not happening! I just don't get the point...
  6. Jae

    Jae Well-Known Member

    ..we share the same way of thinking Charily..why others who don't want to die..died or dying..why i..who wants to end this life is still here and breathing...and why i who tried to end it my self is still here...
  7. Ismoora

    Ismoora New Member

    I understand where you are coming from. I get jealous when I hear about people who were successful in their suicide attempts. It's like they did it right and I'm so afraid I'm going to do it wrong. I sometimes wish I could give my life to someone long gone who is more deserving.
  8. shadowheart

    shadowheart Well-Known Member

    Hi Charliy.

    I wrote this about me/for you/inspired by you.
    It might be nothing like what you are feeling, but your post made me realise that I feel similarly to what you described in your first post and I wanted to write about it.

    I hope that maybe you like it and you dont feel so alone.

    It might be triggering but I don't think so...its really just a longer version of what we were talking about here.
  9. K8E

    K8E Well-Known Member

    You are not alone. I feel the same way. Compulsive reader of reports of suicides and other early deaths. Irony is that I have a sudden death syndrome that I have to accept treatment for!
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