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I'm just a pathetic excuse of being

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Matt93, Nov 29, 2010.

  1. Matt93

    Matt93 Well-Known Member

    Why is it that, whenever I try to help you just push me away?

    Oh right, yeah. I'm a waste of space. I'm pathetic, I'm too depressed for your perfect fucking mother, who thinks depression is weakness.

    Why is it that, what I do is always a mistake?

    Oh yeah, that's why. I'm simply wrong, no matter what, even when it's not a fucking question I'm wrong. I simply waste time, I waste oxygen, I convert oxygen into Carbon Dioxide. I pollute the air.

    Why am I so fucked up?

    Because I have an awful past, perhaps not to the extent of others. I was battered to within inches of death when I was 6. Bullied constantly from then on, threatened on several occasions with a needle, and once stabbed with a needle. Hence my fear of needles. I have been neglected by EVERYONE, my ex girlfriends hate me, I hate them too. They lied, cheated and so on. So fuck them all, they're to blame for my misfortunes.

    But, still why must I feel so shit?

    I'll tell you why. EVERYTHING ABOUT ME IS JUST SHITE. I have no requited feelings. I'll love someone, genuinely, and it's just unrequited. I'm simply nothing, I can mathematically compare myself. I < 0

    Sorry you had to read, it's worthless blabber.
  2. LogDork

    LogDork Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Matt. Cant add much to that, I've had a few gals in my life too.
    Being alone in a cabin in the woods isnt all that bad, I'll say that.
    Oh, and in the famous words of my bro kenny
    trucks and guns, Matt, trucks and guns...
    Oh, right. England.
    Well, go buy a chainsaw, you'll be happier, I guarantee. A guy needs a chainsaw.
  3. Matt93

    Matt93 Well-Known Member

    Dude, I have a fear of being alone unfortunately. Give me a chainsaw, or any kind of weapon, and I could probably guarantee I'll be going on a killing spree killing everyone. Which would benefit the world in all honesty, slows global warming and shit, saves the wildlife, fun times. Fun times.
  4. Kirsty_Ann

    Kirsty_Ann Well-Known Member

    You do have worth, you may not feel it but you do.
    depression isn't a weakness but instead fighting it makes you stronger. . . you can do it
    Are you on meds or anything?
    Being alone is such a horrible feeling; it's even worse when you are surrounded by people.
    You sound angry; i'm not surprised, maybe something to calm down?

    I'll send hugs just in case anyway :)
  5. Matt93

    Matt93 Well-Known Member

    I am angry, I am in self hatred. I hate myself, depression I know is no weakness. I was on meds, made me worse, I cba to start any other. Being alone I hate, I have panic attacks when I am. I hate being around people too, it's fucking paradoxic. I don't want to calm down, calming me only adds to the anger when it comes back out.
  6. Kirsty_Ann

    Kirsty_Ann Well-Known Member

    Maybe you should go back to the docs and see if there is anything else you can do. . . worth a try,
    if anger works for you, then great :) just try not to do anything you'll regret, it will only make you feel worse.
    Keeping calm may help when you are alone, panic attacks are really scary. . .
    what maks you hate being around other people?
  7. Matt93

    Matt93 Well-Known Member

    What makes me hate being around other people? The fact I hate people, probably again due to my bullied past.

    The thought of killing at times, I have to admit, is rather exhilarating.

    I know panic attacks are scary, I know all too well :/

    I just can't be bothered with the doctors either :/
  8. Kirsty_Ann

    Kirsty_Ann Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear about the bullying; i wish that people could see effects that bullying has, it isn't just a short term thing.
    The thought of killing really does emphasise that you do need some more support, even if you don't like the doctor or anyone, the fact that it will be make you feel more stable will be a huge weight off your own mind.