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I'm just a really, screwed, unhappy person.

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TheBLA

The biggest loser ever to live.
#1
Why the hell was I ever born, just to suffer? I'm so mad that my dad had to save my life when I could have just died as a premature baby, could have been it right then and there.

But now, almost 20 years later, I am the biggest loser ever to have lived, have a very pathetic, empty life, nothing to live for, but I'm so afraid of what happens after we die, if I do go to hell or some unplesant place for the sin of taking my life, etc. I think life is great, there's many great things it in, but just not me, my life is absolute complete shit, I am so fucking pathetic, can't even fully come clean to what makes my life so abnormal, inferior and empty to you guys, but trust me, I'm VERY VERY INFERIOR to all of you here, if you ever think your the biggest loser on Earth, a big pile of shit, I'm the bigger pile of shit loser than you, TRUST ME.

I am just screwed, scared of death and stuck in a horrible horrible life. All I can see ahead of me is more pain and suffering, I just keep slowly inching more towards suicide, I really feel that I will commit suicide before I turn 25, you have no idea of how much I am suffering right now, god, I hate this, why me, why me? And nobody can fucking help, its too late but still, here's my fucking pathetic cry for help. I dunno what to do, sob sob....
 
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ProzacDeathWish

#5
Even if you were not "inferior" and you were the most talented, intelligent person since Leonardo DaVinci or Steven Hawkings, what would it matter if you were still unhappy? Having talents and abilities is very important but isn't the
deeper issue that you are extremely unhappy ?

I work at a college that has a program for young adults with special needs. Many of them suffer from serious physical and intellectual disabilities, which in a very real sense, makes them inferior to me.

The irony ? I see them smiling and happy. Yes they are in their own little world
but for them it's not a burden to be alive. I even saw a young man with Down's
Syndrome listening to his I-Pod and singing out loud the Village People's song,
YMCA. He was happy and moved his arms up and down to the music
in full view of everyone else and was completely indifferent to whether he looked silly.

You know what ? Despite my emotional problems I am a very intelligent person but I would give up half of my IQ just to feel as happy as that young man.

I actually envy him because although he is clearly inferior to me in his abilities, he is a contented soul. Life is so strange it's driving me crazy.
 
#6
I'm sorry you feel that way hun... if you wanna talk about it you can get on yahoo and we can talk, wouldn't be a problem at all. I actually enjoed our coversations. Please, hang in there hun, you can make it and get thru this, even when it seems you can't, you still can, you just gotta keep the faith. And rely on us for suppoer every now and then, we all need to talk about things and vent and etc,.. nothing bad about it. That's what thisd place is for... support, releif, a place you can be open about your feelings, a place to make friends and give and recive support and etc... Stay safe hun... :hug: :cheekkiss






:grouphug:
 

TheBLA

The biggest loser ever to live.
#8
I guess I just wanted ot pop by and bump this thread. I wish I could say more but really don't feel like it. If only there was a way for you guys to read my mind and see all of my thoughts and feelings but no point thinking about that fantasy. Anyways, I really am the biggest loser alive, trust me, I know this and of course its not a happy fact to realize. I just wish I could be reborn as a normal person, I'm young but already screwed for life, sorry to sound so dramatic.

I remember someone here saying "Where there's life, there's hope", I wish I could be that optimistic, my life really is shit and its gonna haunt me for the rest of my life, I'm so inferior and messed up, sorry I can't be more clear than that right now, sorry for being so vague.
 
#9
Hi I feel like you do. I am 28. People will tell you to wait and things will get better. Then if you wait and things are not better they will tell you you are not putting forth enough effort. Once you put effort in again you will be told you just need to hang on and wait and so on. :puke: I am going to use charcoal in my car.
 

TheBLA

The biggest loser ever to live.
#11
Okay, I just felt like bumping this again, I hope more people can please reply, thank you. I really have to be the most messed up, biggest loser alive, everyone will tell me its not really true, I hope its not but I dunno, I wish there was a way you guys could better understand what is going on in my life because I'm giving you so little information to work with here.
 
#12
I'm sorry that I can't understand exactly what you're going through, but you are certainly not inferior. You're a human being with your own thoughts, feelings, and experiences, just like the rest of us. Please hang in there...I'm here any time you want to talk. :hug:
 
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