Im just a strange guy who shouldnt even be alive!

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by mjub, Feb 22, 2009.

  1. mjub

    mjub New Member

    I Cant stop thinking about this. I have had a girlfriend for a while and i say to myself that i dont deserve her. Im 18 now and i cant stop getting flashbacks of the horrible discusting things i did as a teen. I dont belong here! I am getting upset about my past every single day and i even wrote them out earlier and just looked at them and cried for hours! This is what i wrote, i feel that they are so horrible they may even be removed from the forum. Im a horrible person.
    -(age-15-16) masterbated to my sisters
    -(age-15) Almost had sex with my younger sister
    -(age-15) Saw a movie about child sex abuse and masterbated to a scene where a young boy gets raped. (It wasnt child porn)
    -(age-16) masterbated to a gay rape scene i saw in a movie (not porn)
    -(16-17) watched lots of incest pornography
    -(15) had fantasies for older women (VERY OLDER)
    -(17) had sex with a girl i did not find attractive
    -(16) Got my dog to lick my penis untill i ejaculated
    I think about these and consider suicide the only solution. It was in the past and i regret all of it but the thoughts are making me so upset! I dont deserve a girlfriend, im a sick person!
  2. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry that your in mental pain. What happened is in the past and that's where those things that happened will stay.
    Those things don't have any hold on whether you deserve or do not deserve to have a relationship or anything else for that matter.
  3. SadDude87

    SadDude87 Well-Known Member

    Hi. First, relax. What you have described is taboo, a little unusual, but not abnormal or something you should torture yourself over.

    Read this. While it's aimed at women, it defintiely applies to men aswell. It's about the role of fantasy in sex & orgasm. Everyone should read it.

    It addresses some of the things you've mentioned, such as beastiality & incest...which while taboo do occassionally happen, & are things which are fantasised about.

    Many women need fantasies, often taboo in nature to orgasm. I'm actually the same. To orgasm I fantasise about rape. I don't really care. It's not real, it's fantasy. During sex I often have trouble letting go, because I'm so focused on the woman, doing what feels good for her, her reactions etc rather than my own pleasure. Thinking about rape allows me to let go, forget about the woman, & please myself, because rape is just so selfish. But this is purely fantasy which only enters my head when I'm already having sex.

    As the article mentions many women are the same. They feel somewhat numb during penetration, so they immerse themself in fantasy to become more aroused. Being raped is a common one with women who feel guilty about having imagining being raped, the situation is out of their control...& it allows them to enjoy sexual feelings without responsibility/feeling like a slut & remaining a 'good girl'.

    Anyway, that was a bit longwinded. But the point is that while what you've done is a bit strange it's not completely unheard of, & it's your business, & uf you still think about doing it so what. Just keep it as a fantasy.
  4. endlessskies58

    endlessskies58 Well-Known Member

    i have taken psychology of human sexual behavior and i can proudly tell you that all of us have really dirty raunchy fantasies (like having sex with someone unattractive or incest). this is embarrassing but i know i'm into beastiality(its actually a statistic that this is something a lot of women are into). i think especially because of the forbidden aspect of it and how it is rather shocking makes it rather raunchy and dirty and thus a turn on. this seems to be something you like too?

    the BIG thing though is ACTING on it. i would NEVER have sex with a golden retriever like most people would never act on their fantasies. hahaha, i have thought about stuff like that but thinking is a lot different then doing.

    if you feel that you are uncomfortable or worried and that your fantasies are more or could even be destructive or hurtful in anyway then perhaps you should seek some help. :sad:

    there is also another problem too if you form a specific fetish for any of these. and when i mean fetish i mean you cannot get turned on without a specific kink or fantasy. if so then it will be very hard when you are in a relationship because you need a specific thing to get turned on and that could become hurtful emotionally to your partner. :sad:

    i hope this helps. i send my love and i hope everything is okay. <3
  5. mjub

    mjub New Member

    Thanks guys, It means a lot. And i dont think there fantasies just some strange things that turned me on before. Its the fact that im an adult now so i just want to look back on my teen and say to myself 'whoa i was a bit crazy!' and never do such a thing again. But i get worried in case theres something wrong with me! So you mean more people do this kind of thing? I dont think i have a certain fetish but the incest porn was a very very big phase in my teens, i watched it all the time. I will never watch it again because i personally think its wrong but its hard to forget about. Would incest be considered a fetish?
  6. endlessskies58

    endlessskies58 Well-Known Member

    fetishes are things where you can't get turned on without it. an example is a sadist cannot get off without hurting someone or a masochist without getting hurt. another fetish i've heard of especially is guys who like to dress like woman and can't get off with their partner unless they do that. some women are okay with it but i know that i couldn't handle it all of the time. i wanna feel like a woman. haha.

    another fetish that seems to be popular is men who like to masturbate into a piece of woman's clothing. a popular item is a high heel especially if a woman has already worn it. my teacher was even telling me how she's had all her shoes stolen before in an airport. when you steal, that is where a fetish becomes a problem also. it doesn't even have to be hurting someone.

    haha, then i could get into A LOT of other fetishes like voyeurs or exhibitionists but i wont.

    ah, isn't sex interesting? haha i hope fetishes make more sense now?


    it doesn't sound like you have a fetish :) it sounds like you're just into some kinky stuff like most of us are but won't admit. haha. but if you find you can't get off with your partner without watching incest before hand then i would seek some help. its not a bad thing to have a fetish, just it can be kind of unfair to your partner(unless they are okay with it of course...).

    how would you feel if your partner needed something besides you to have sex? i'd feel pretty crummy, like i wasn't good enough. can make a lot of things unpleasant...

    so i think you're all good love. i hope this made you feel better. <333
  7. mjub

    mjub New Member

    Ya i suppose if i just regret it and never speak of it again. I dont think i require incest porn to have sex anyway haha! Thanks guys:) Is it best if i never mention to this to anyone, even my girlfriend?
  8. endlessskies58

    endlessskies58 Well-Known Member

    i wouldn't mention it because i'm guessing you don't know how she feels about all of that stuff. some people feel very awkward when it comes to sex. especially since you say you are only 18, ya? i think you and her need more time to figure out who you guys are as people first as well as what you like sexually too. i'm 20 and i'm still figuring everything out.

    and too, some people never feel comfortable with sex which is rather sad because sex is supposed to be another enjoyable part of life. taboos are just things put into society to help prevent things or reinforce things. its a type of protection

    haha, did you know that incest is one of the few taboos that is found in every culture? this is because of the interbreeding. genetically its very unhealthy and the offspring of incest are more likely to have problems such as mental disorders. everyone wants healthy kids and so to do that you need to spread out and find all the best dominant genes. i have to admit, living in america some of the most attractive people i know are biracial.

    sorry, i just recently learned about all of this stuff and i think it is SO interesting.

    i send my love
  9. LastCrusade

    LastCrusade Well-Known Member

    Mentally, your private past has come back to haunt you as u know deep inside what you did was wrong. Perhaps it was your testerone over-kicking. But now, since u realized that what u did was wrong, u can still change and stop all that you did in your past. it's never too late. Mistakes have been made and what has been done canot be undone, past is past. all u need to do is to turn over a new leave and never repeat such acts again.
  10. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    it's just life, try new things... the last thing was kinda lol but who cares
  11. LastCrusade

    LastCrusade Well-Known Member

    u mean the beastiality part? :eek:hmy: :laugh:
  12. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    Right so just so that you know
    when we are teenagers, our hormones level are WAY above normal
    this is enhancing our sexuality and in fact we can enjoy pretty much
    any sexual activity there is.

    some of us go threw this at 15-18, others earlier, others later.
    for example me, i got really slow physical development
    even though i am almost 24, mentally and physically i am like 17
    i even barely shave my face as there is no much to shave yet...

    And yes, some us actually do enjoy exploring sexual frontiers
    hell, you dont want to know what frontiers i explored ^^
    sure some of them i liked, others not, but thats how exploration work.
    so dont worry about it