I'm just... done

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by forestmaiden, Feb 5, 2009.

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  1. forestmaiden

    forestmaiden Member

    I don't even know what to say, but I need... I don't know... a hug?

    I just broke up with my boyfriend of two years. There is too much wrong with our relationship and I don't love him the way I should. I still love him though, and it still hurts, and now I'm probably going to be alone for the rest of my life because who in their right mind would put up with my cutting, BPD, suicidalness, past abuse issues, etc. Seriously, no one!

    I look at my friends' Facebook pages, half of them are married and they're so happy, why can't I have that... I can't even deal with looking at those pictures.

    And my classmates, I'm fucking invisible at school, no one knows I exist, and if anyone ever finds out I'm feeling sad they don't give a fuck! But when anyone else is it's "awww, that poor girl!" Why is it fine with them if I go kill myself but not when other people want to? I guess I'm just that fucking worthless.

    I just hate the world, I hate my parents, I hate my classmates, and I hate everything. I'm in nursing school, but I kind of want out just because of my classmates. Like why would I want to stay in a program with such selfish, snobby people? Aren't nurses supposed to care about other people?? I wanted to go into mental health nursing and help others, but seriously, I can't even deal with this program and the instructors who expect you to be perfect and the pressure and everything. People fucking suck!!

    And I'm off my meds because they aggravate my migraines, which makes me miss school, which makes my classmates and teachers judge me. So I either can't function because of migraines, or can't function because of depression. It's a lose-lose situation. My whole life has been.

    I'm tired of being invisible. Like anyone would notice if I just disappeared...
  2. lifeisashedog

    lifeisashedog Well-Known Member

    I am in similar situation. If I don't get stoned with red bull every day I'm too depressed to work. but if I get stoned with it, then I can't sleep at night and sleep all day insted and then no work, no money and depressed again.:sad:
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Well, someone here would notice if you disappeared. Peers can be such jerks sometimes. Are there any meds that don't aggravate your migraines? Seems like something should be available to you. Sorry I am not much help, but I can give you that hug. :hug:
  4. I understand the Facebook anger completely...I deleted mine just because I would get so frustrated at how wonderful everyone else was living while I'd feel alone and abandoned.

    Remember that you're not alone in how you feel. The hardest part in life is finding the people that feel the same way you do, or at least getting them to admit it.
  5. mystereo2099

    mystereo2099 Well-Known Member

    yeh life sucks and then you die, I hate everything too. It's obvious we're broken, but how do we fix ourselves? PM me if you want to chat on msn.
  6. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    I could never get rid of Facebook. I'm too addicted to Lexulous and Scrambletower (or whatever the other scrabble knock off is). I'm sorry you're going through a stressful period. Social networking sites can be hard because people only put the good stuff up.
  7. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey forestmaiden,
    Welcome to the forum!!! By the way I like your SN. I also suffer from bad headaches dailey and migranes 2/3 times a week. I take advil migrane for the headaches and imitrex for the migranes. It doesn't always work but when it does I get some releif from them. Alot of people don't understand just how debilitating they are. I went three years without a pay raise because I would miss to much work. I told my boss if you don't beleive me just come by the house. any way I'm getting off the subject.
    Try not to worry so much about what others think. In my experience I think people are always talking about me or laughing at me. In reality they are in there own little worlds with there own problems they may just be looking in your direction and not thinking anything about you.
    If you want to be in mental health but don't like what your doing now. Why don't you think about switching to be a therapist. They make damn good money. My therapist was in the same boat as us. She went as far as prostituting herself to support the drugs she would self medicate with. One day she decided thats enough and went back to school and now has her own buisness and is damn good at what she does because she has been there. Just a thought, I hope it helps in some way!!!~Joseph~
  8. SadPandaBear

    SadPandaBear Well-Known Member

    I am the exact way i wont go near facebook anymore.
  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Thats why I stay away from those sites:unsure:
  10. forestmaiden

    forestmaiden Member

    Yeah migraines are awful aren't they! I take Relpax mostly, sometimes Imitrex, and combined with Tylenol 3s. I really do love nursing, I just hate my classmates.
    Thanks for the response <3
  11. subterranean

    subterranean Member

    here's a warm comfortable hug!
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