I'm just dragging her down...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by TheLonelyAloePlant, Jul 17, 2008.

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  1. TheLonelyAloePlant

    TheLonelyAloePlant Well-Known Member

    My mom, my brother, me, and a roommate are all living in 3 bedroom single story house. My brother sleeps in the small TV room, and the rest of us live in full size bedrooms.

    My mom buys groceries for all 3 of us, and herself. She does the dishes, laundry, cleans, everything. I try to help, I really do, but I always leave crucial details out. She comes home exhausted with more groceries all the time because we eat too damned much.

    I've started to starve myself so my mom doesn't have to buy me food. I only eat a little amount of food a day to help her. I keep my lights off all day, I stay in my room so I don't bother her.

    Sometimes she tells us that we eat too much and making her spend hundreds of dollars on groceries, or that she's always doing dishes, or laundry. So I've been reusing dirty dishes and not changing clothes for days. I take less showers so I don't waste energy.

    Yet it's not enough. She has to pay for my pills, my endocrin appointments, my youth leadership conferences, my pets... I've considered giving up my cats just so I can help her.


    But most of all , I've considered killing myself and freeing her of me forever so I don't waste anything anymore. It would be a load off everyone's shoulders.

    I only have 2 loyal friends, and even now, 1 friend is drifting apart. One I've known since kindergarten is still my best friend, but who knows how much more she'll change.

    Another one of my friends seems like she doesn't like me anymore. I bought her candy. You know what she said? "It tastes sweeter when -other friend- bought it for me." I went to the mall with her. "It's more fun when -name and name- are here."

    I feel like I'm being used for money and homework. Maybe no one actually cares..

    This brings me to of course, suicide. I have my Lexapro beside me, an almost full prescription bottle, right beside me.

    Please... please help me.. :cry:
     
  2. janie

    janie Well-Known Member

    you can keep trying to help ur mom out- i mean doing the dishes/laundry/housework shouldnt take a genius - just keep trying and you'll get it one day im sure :)

    keep in contact with your good friend- go n hang out. as for the other friend well if she doesnt like you anymore because ur candy is sub-par or that you're no fun then she prolly isnt worth buying so much candy and time spent going to the mall with then haha. Or maybe she was just plain bored at the mall- its common to get a group friends kinda thing where a group of ppl are real close when they hang out together than if just 2 of them do- its part of normal human interaction. Or maybe she likes the other person who brought her candy lol

    or maybe im wrong

    o n dont go for Lexapro- it doesnt actually kill you and will gives you um...herpes. >_> <_< >_>. in fact studies have shown that suicide itself and thinking about it gives you a 5000% increased risk of herpes. <_< >_> <_< >_> <_< >_>...

    try not to dwell on it too much :)
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 17, 2008
  3. TheLonelyAloePlant

    TheLonelyAloePlant Well-Known Member

    But it's so hard. It's always lingering behind every door in my mind, waiting for me to fall..
     
  4. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

     
  5. janie

    janie Well-Known Member

    lol

    dont worry a recent meta-analysis showed almost 100% 100 year remission rates if you reduced suicidal thoughts

    :)
     
  6. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    You should be proud of yourself, you've being doing the right thing by helping out as much as you can.
    Can't your other family relatives like uncles, aunts, grand parents help you guys out?
     
  7. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    :dry:
     
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