I'm just gonna do it.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Gem_Healer, Oct 28, 2007.

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  1. Gem_Healer

    Gem_Healer Guest

    Either that or runaway.

    My life is a fvck up.
    I'm a fvck up.
    No one wants me.
    My mum hates me.
    My life is pointless.
    And I got no idea why the fvck am posting this.

    I already know my plan for killing myself. So it is all good. Just want to say bubi.

    If I survive this, I shall let you all know.
  2. silverstrand

    silverstrand Active Member

    Dear Young Friend!

    Your mother does not hate you. Probably she has a lot of problems you might not know about or would not understand at your current stage.

    Your life is precious and it would be a total waste to quit the game in the early stages at your age. You would just make everybody sad including yourself once you are in the spirit form. Probably you would end up having to reborn again in the same situation. Because sometimes we face difficulties to solve them.

    don't give up young fella'
    I love you and pray for you. Actually, why not get into a littl conversation with me, huh? :smile:

    Tell me everything that bothers you and we might work it out.
    Ok, I'm waiting for your answer! :biggrin:
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 28, 2007
  3. Gem_Healer

    Gem_Healer Guest


    Erm.. My mum DOES hate me.

    I know that as a fact.

    Yeah we can talk...

    But your gone offline lol.
  4. silverstrand

    silverstrand Active Member

    Oh no, back I am! :) All ears!!!
  5. silverstrand

    silverstrand Active Member

    So let's start with the fact that nobody is a fuckup.
    You may have made mistakes but who hasn't???
    We are here to discover the mistakes and correct them. Life is long to beaver away at that! :)
    Actually, so much so that is is written in the Bible that God & the angels are more happy over one person who repents than over 99 righteous people.

    And to approach it from the aspect of being useless... well, every living human is equally precious and valuable INCLUDING YOU.
    And by no means is your life pointless. It is like a paper and you can draw all sorts of stuff on it. Give color to it etc.

    God give you your life to learn. Through mistakes and through victories through heartaches and through joys.
    And one day when you go home, you will have your "suitcase" full of experience. And you will be able to understand God, your Father, even more and be his companion because your perspective, your ability to discern things have improved significantly thorugh this earth-life period.

    But, damn, I agree that sometimes it sux - I mean it is difficult, ahhh! :)
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 28, 2007
  6. silverstrand

    silverstrand Active Member

    And for one, I am here for you as long as you need me. So you've got a buddy up your sleeve. :smile: Write down here all your problems or whatever you have on your heart and I might be able to tell you some things that help.
  7. silverstrand

    silverstrand Active Member

    Oh, and for the "no one wants" me part...

    First, as of now, it is not true. I want you. :smile: 'd be nice to get to know you.
    But it would be important to get to see that you do not quite need to be "wanted". Since you don't have your value set by how much people need you.

    Your value is yours for the birthright. You are a human, right? Just for that you are like a pearl.

    Young friend, actually, what matters in life is that YOU love others and help them as much as you can. If you do that, you follow the rules of existence, and you will live an ever abounding life getting closer and closer to the Creator.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 28, 2007
  8. Gem_Healer

    Gem_Healer Guest



    theres a poem..

    But anyhow..
    I'm just going to mention this, I am no believer in God, due to the things my "Christian" father put me through as a child.

    If you want my full story, then click on my profile, and view "my life story" it has had no replies.. So shouldn't be hard to find.


    Yeah thats all.

    And thanks for being willing to listen to me.
  9. please stay safe, alot of peop;le on here are there to support and help you, we cant do that if u dont stay safe, stick around. u might just find you chang e ure mind sweetie xx
  10. silverstrand

    silverstrand Active Member

    Wait a sec.... I'm running it through...
    Will be back shortly!
  11. Gem_Healer

    Gem_Healer Guest

    i am trying to stay safe.. but the chances of me serviving for very much longer is next to not gonna happen.

    and ok
  12. you need to keep yourself busy and distract yourself to stay safe, hang around here for a while, people are very helpful x
  13. Gem_Healer

    Gem_Healer Guest

    Oh i keep myself busy alright. I'm not stupid.. I do try and help myself.

    Follow the link I sent.. You may understand a little better?

  14. silverstrand

    silverstrand Active Member

    Oh, dear Love, I have read what I found and I am really not surprised about the way you feel...

    Your "christian father" is a real scum for what he did and -if he doesn't truly repent and begs for your forgiveness- he is going to pay for his sin for eternity. Actually, the most severe punishment awaits those who make "the little ones" stumble in their faith. You wrote: "Because I let them Hurt and abuse me, I let them win in the end." No Dear, they have not won. They have just doomed themselves to hell and the clock is ticking down on them.

    Put this pain in front of God's feet. Tell him what you feel, tell him that you feel betrayed and helpless and ask for his help and he will lead people to you who can carry your burden with you or help you somehow.

    Love, you are like a beautiful rose and believe me, you are going to blossom out and find your loving husband. He is still in the future but he will need you when the time comes. And don't give up hope because there are still a few normal guys out there. Me, for example, I have a biceps like normal people's thigh, and have worked as a model for some time, and every women is "after me"... still I have never had sex with anybody (zero) or played with anybody's feelings because it is sinful and wrong. What I really want is real love - which I haven't found yet. I'm saying all this for you that you might know that not all the guys want that....

    Ok, let me see what else is here. Right, you wrote: "When will it get better? Never is the answer." You know the old saying "never say never", huh? :)
    (I'm typing the next part)
  15. Gem_Healer

    Gem_Healer Guest

    Long replies huh? lol.

    My dad has died. And tbh, his funeral was one the best days of my life. Thats a really bad thing to say.. But yes..

    And at least you can see why I feel the way I do.

    That poem, was written some time ago, August, when I last really tried to kill myself. I wish it had worked.

    I know there are decent guys out there. But none who I can find.
    My battle is coming to an end. And it is time for me to say my goodbye.

    Regards to God.. I did pray for God to help me. I prayed right up until i was 16. When my 2nd boyfriend abused me.
    And then I totally lost faith. And I am not going back.
    God knows what I've been through. And God shall help me, if God deems me worthy of Gods time (I do not say he/she, because God has no gender lol)

    I wish that I had fight left in me, but this pain has gone on for far too long.
  16. silverstrand

    silverstrand Active Member

    (part 2) Ok, so it will never get better?
    I say: Never say never, ever - hope stays forever for you and for me...

    So my experience is that I have been in deep shit so many times and sometimes it seemed I'm gonna sink into it but... by now -after so many years- everything turned out ok. But the real important thingy is that actually, I HAVE LEARNED A LOT WHILE SUFFERING. Boy -I mean gal, I hated that part of my life but now, I would not give those HATEFUL memories for anything. I have a much deeper understanding of a lot of things than without the sheer horror of my youth. I know that I would be just a shade of my current self without all that shit that happened to me.

    Ok, so sum it up: The future can present you with joy and deliverance beyond your imagination. Yes, you can have a fulfilling and meaningful life. (though horrible things are about to happen to earth itself, but that is a different topic, and you should not be concerned about that for now.)
  17. Gem_Healer

    Gem_Healer Guest

    I know and understand what you're saying. But the simple truth is, my life will not get better.

    All my life I have had abuse and pain.
    And I am still suffering for it.

    Why keep trying? When my will power is gone?
    What is there left, to drive me forward?
    I have to live in a home, where I am not wanted.
    I have to stay here for two more years, if I want to finish college.

    Two more years of pure hell. No thanks.

    I'd rather be dead, than carry on living this hateful life.

    I have tried so hard to change things.

    And now I give in. Death is ready to take me. For once and for all..
    And finally, I shall be at my peace.
  18. silverstrand

    silverstrand Active Member

    Ok, wait a sec - typing... (hey, see? Karma thingy works... I'm helping you and as a reward become a pro typer in the process. :biggrin::biggrin::biggrin:)
  19. Gem_Healer

    Gem_Healer Guest

    heh - having fun typing? lol.....

    waiting.... :p
  20. silverstrand

    silverstrand Active Member

    (still typing, actually, I want to give you normal real answers, not just "everything's-gonna-be-alrigh" sort of answers....
    but it might take more than an hour cos I'm not a fast typer...)
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