I'm just not happy!

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Shauna Lea, Apr 29, 2008.

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  1. Shauna Lea

    Shauna Lea Staff Alumni

    The title says it all, I'm just not happy. It hurts to breathe sometimes. My heart sinks at the smallest dissapointment and I live in fear of a bigger dissapointment. I have hurt people in the past - who hasn't - but I've never done anything bad on purpose. I barely drink, I'm always the 'responsible one' of my friends, I lend money to anybody when they need it, I got top marks across the board in grades 9 and 10 and I was voted most popular, nicest, most likely to succeed, best sportswoman and most datable girl at college. So why am I not strong enough to get over just 6 months of horror?

    I blame my unhappiness on those 6 months but is that really it? Did it all really start back in school when I was under so much pressure? Did it start back in primary school when I felt like I had to fit the mould of my sister and the people around me? Did it start when he first pulled me on top of him when I was 7? Did it start with my first boyfriend who always told me I SHOULD look like other girls and that I shouldn't go to music class because 'you'll never be a singer'......Or is it all in my head? No cause and no cure?

    I have my good days, I have my not so good days and then I have these moments that are so painful and so unpredictable. One moment I'll be fine and the next my heart aches, tears form behind my eyes, my hands shake and all motivation gets sucked from me by a dark cloud. The walls cave in and I feel like I can't breathe. I need to find a way to get the control back!

    He makes me smile, I rarely have 'those moments' when I'm with him. What is it about that one person that makes them so different to everybody else? Why did he chose me? Why did I chose him? These queestions run through my head and for what reason? I will never find the answer, I will never know why he did what he did, he will never understand why I did what I did - so why can't we just move past it, accept it for the sake of acceptance! No...accept it for the sake of our sanity and most importantly our future!

    So many of us spend so much of our time trying to find the trigger - but what if there isn't one? What if that's just the way it is? What if some people just don't have the right coping mechanisms for the trials that life brings?....and why am I one of those people?!?! :sad:
     
  2. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    Shaunsy!! :sad: :hug:

    Firstly I'm sorry you feel this way, you do not deserve this ache, this pain, this... well.. this.
    I don't know what caused these feelings,.. I guess to know what caused it you'll have to know when you started feeling this way.. :unsure: But I personally suggest you try not to think too much of what could be the trigger of these feelings, as that can leave you all confused as well.. :hug:

    As for the love thing, it can be hard to accept things that happened in the past, no matter how much you both want it. Maybe talking about it with each other, can help you guys with that?
    Just don't try to rationalise stuff either, don't try to find reasons. Why he chose you, why you chose him... it's love, there often is no logic to it, it's just... there.

    I know there are a lot of 'why' questions in life, and seems like you wonder about a lot of them, but try not to think of them too much, however hard that may be, because 'why' questions tend to leave you behind rather confused and with even more questions, eventually. That's at least my experience.

    However if you'd ever wish to talk to someone, rant, or just randomly blurt out whatever thoughts, you know where to reach me :hug:

    :arms:
     
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    It sounds like you have mood swings. It can be controlled, you need to talk about this with your shrink or therapist. There are meds that help with your mood swings. Keep talking because it helps you to rationalize it.
     
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