Im just not sure

So, three years ago she broke my heart.
So, i have let her go and watched while a new man now lives with my children.
So, i have done this with love and respect for both her and the kids.
It still hurts though, no matter what i try to do, i wish i was that man.
Have i moved on? Yes, i really think i have.
Am i ready to love and be loved again, Yes, i am.
Why do i end any new relationship before it has even begun?
I have had a lot of sex these past couple of years, if i look inside, i know its been about proving to myself that a woman might still find me attractive.
And yet, i have hurt all of them by finishing it.
I only want to be me, i don't want to hurt anyone.
I don't want to replicate my marriage, i don't want a clone of my ex wife.
In fact, funny thing is, if my ex wife came begging for a reconciliation, i would say no, of that i am sure.
Im not bothered about sex, lately its been me that has been led in that department, i have held back.
I have so much to offer, i am warm, tactile, non controlling and hope i have humour too.
I know at 42 and with two young children, i am a package not a free spirit anymore.
I am lonely, terribly lonely.
I am content in my own company.
I want a hug, a hug that means something, not a pre sex one or a post sex one.
I want a hug, i can't remember the last time i had one.
At the moment, i still have closure to find in my life, i have no one to hold me when at times, i still want to cry as i remember my past.
Having lived a transient lifestyle, i have no roots, this town i call my home is but a shallow, dust trap that my roots trail in, searching somehow for a firm grip, for a droplet of moisture that will enable growth once more.
Love is random.
I like myself nowdays.
As much as my children love me and I them, its another adults arms i seek.
Not for sex, perhaps not even for love, but definately for a hug.
If we all lived closer, I'd be happy to offer an adult, caring and no underlying-meaning hug.

I think our spirits remain free in their desires, thoughts and hopes. Never believe they are curtailed.

I hope you can let others in to provide that companionship and that you can find people who are worthy of yours also.


Banned Member
I feel like if you dont put yourself out there and jump into the mix nobody will be able to find you. It could really do you some good to get out there.

Please Donate to Help Keep SF Running

Total amount