So, three years ago she broke my heart. So, i have let her go and watched while a new man now lives with my children. So, i have done this with love and respect for both her and the kids. It still hurts though, no matter what i try to do, i wish i was that man. Have i moved on? Yes, i really think i have. Am i ready to love and be loved again, Yes, i am. Why do i end any new relationship before it has even begun? I have had a lot of sex these past couple of years, if i look inside, i know its been about proving to myself that a woman might still find me attractive. And yet, i have hurt all of them by finishing it. I only want to be me, i don't want to hurt anyone. I don't want to replicate my marriage, i don't want a clone of my ex wife. In fact, funny thing is, if my ex wife came begging for a reconciliation, i would say no, of that i am sure. Im not bothered about sex, lately its been me that has been led in that department, i have held back. I have so much to offer, i am warm, tactile, non controlling and hope i have humour too. I know at 42 and with two young children, i am a package not a free spirit anymore. I am lonely, terribly lonely. I am content in my own company. I want a hug, a hug that means something, not a pre sex one or a post sex one. I want a hug, i can't remember the last time i had one. At the moment, i still have closure to find in my life, i have no one to hold me when at times, i still want to cry as i remember my past. Having lived a transient lifestyle, i have no roots, this town i call my home is but a shallow, dust trap that my roots trail in, searching somehow for a firm grip, for a droplet of moisture that will enable growth once more. Love is random. I like myself nowdays. As much as my children love me and I them, its another adults arms i seek. Not for sex, perhaps not even for love, but definately for a hug.