im just sick and tired...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by dark&lone, Jul 29, 2010.

  1. dark&lone

    dark&lone Well-Known Member

    I fucking hate all this shit going on. I get told one thing by one proffesion and then I get told something different from another.. I hate feeling like this yet IM getting told different answers. I got told today that I am not an alcoholic nor am I bulimic.. can I just ask.. if Im not an alcoholic why have I been in treatment centers (rehabs) twice, first time at 18, and secondly why have i wasted all my years sticking my fingers down my throat to be told that i just enjoy it.. wtf is up with people theses days.. I dont want to be labelled but Ive just been told that Ive got borderline personality disorder and that it is just part of the characteristics. Because I stopped drinking for 7 months and for 5 months now its 6 months that it shows that I can control my drinking. Hello I was sectioned 3 times during my last "episode" of drinking, made homeless 3 times in 2 months, raped twice, prostitued myself many times, had 1 miscarriage and overdosed 4 times (each time being sectioned except the 1st time) all because I drank.. and dont forget to mention the lovel withdrawals that i love having so much, that I dont think Im an alcoholic. Im fed up of getting passed around the fucking mental health team to diagnose me with different shit.. I know myself that I am an alcoholic, good job really coz if I was in denial then I would probably be drunk right now, and cutting myself to even more shreds than I already have and probably would be wasting peoples time by getting arrested and detained under mental health act.. AGAIN... arghhhh I am so fucking fed up up of all this bullshit. Where I live in a half way house last week I had to talk about someones bullshit because they werent and it was destroying me, and the other people I live with, and she denied everything to save herself, I begged her to be honest and dont make me say shit... (she is having a relationship with another client which is not allowed.. and one of my other mates died because she relapsed after lying for 6 months about not having a relationship) and I didnt want to see that happen again. Anyways, she left last week and the lad is strutting about because he recieved no consequences of his pigheaded life and I seem to be the onli one affected because I ve lost a friend, and tonight I see them snogging right outside where I live and just showing no respect and just being rude and arragant that they have not recieved any consequences... I fucking hate it.. but i have funally learnt that I am only left with myself at the end of the day because people will drop u at a heart beat to save themselves.. Ive had this all my life so when i do die.. and i will soon.. then I know that im just doing what everyone else does in this world and think of themselves...

    FUCK TO THE WORLD ...
     
  2. ClaireAnnette

    ClaireAnnette Member

    Sometimes people try do deny anything is wrong because they dont' understand what you've been through and they don't want to know. they try to deny it in hopes it'll make your problems go away. It's good to know you're not falling for it and you know your problems.

    Have you tried talking to the couple in your home? I don't really know how halfway houses work, but if you're really hurt by what they're doing, they have to understand why it's hurting you.
     
  3. dark&lone

    dark&lone Well-Known Member

    heya x I can't speak to them because the girl has left the half way house and she doesn't want to know me anymore, this is the thing out of everything Im most hurt because Ive lost a friend out of it, and she was simular my age, you dont really get that in recovery from drink. I would love to speak to the bloke but he is too down right rude and aragant to care really.
    I have spoke to someone about this BPD business and they are going to look into for me, as I need to understand why they have labelled me with it.

    I have had an alright day, I feel like shit but Im still living so...
     
  4. ClaireAnnette

    ClaireAnnette Member


    How long do you think it'll take for them to get back to you aboud the BPD?
     
  5. dark&lone

    dark&lone Well-Known Member

    Im hoping I will find out tomorrow because the person who is looking it up for me works in the treatment center that I have been in and also lives by the half way house. he is off today so I cant ask him but I will be asking him tomorrow, because I want to know about addiction with BPD so that I can go back to my Pyschiratrist and tell her what I think basically. What confuses me the most is how my pysch. has "diagnosed" me and then tells me that they maybe pulling their services from me---Its like wtf you just told me Im mental then telling me you dont want to work with me-- where is the sense in that?

    I just dont want to be labelled anymore.. Ive been labelled different things throughout my life.. I am just sick and tired..
     
  6. ClaireAnnette

    ClaireAnnette Member

    Yeah, labeling is no fun :/ but it would help in treatments if you knew exactly what was wrong. Can you find another psych to work with?
     
  7. dark&lone

    dark&lone Well-Known Member

    No i cant becuase she is the last one willing to work with me, Ive had therapy for 5 years and constantly getting passed around the mental health team. I dont understand why, and the only way to get therpay is to pay for it privately and i dont have the kinda funds for that unfortunetly otherwise I would have done that a long time ago...
    Im seeing her again on thursday to find out their descison if they are oulling out or not and see where i go from then really...