I'm just so exhausted. Trying only gets you so far I guess...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by deppdummer, May 28, 2015.

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  1. deppdummer

    deppdummer New Member

    Not sure how I ended up on this website, but I guess it makes sense.
    I just feel so tired. I have been feeling better than ever after my treatments for my eatingdisorder, depression, and recently I've almost won the battle against my OCD which I've had for 10 years (my bestfriend died in the tsunami 2004). I feel like everyone's expecting me to be feeling great because I've gotten better, but going from feeling suicidle to not suicidle does NOT mean that I'm well!
    My parents are divorced so I live with my father who drinks way too much and has no friends, and my mother has been depressed for as long as I can remember. I've been to way to many funerals, and I just feel that I am so TIRED. I have been fighting and going to treatment for years for my parents, but when will I actually feel okay? My dsd told me that he's sick and tired of me always being depressed, better childhood might have worked...
    When will I stop crying at night because I'm scared to death that my mom, dad or brother will die? When can I just live without trying to control my surroundings and making sure that nobody dies. Why is life like this? When will I be brave enough to take a step back and put myself first?
    /the 19 year old girl from Stockholm
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I do hope you make the step back ok i so connect to your words don't be like me don't put everyone else first all your life because in the end you will just be burnt out and they will not appreciate your care You need to remove yourself from the toxic environment you live in ok Go and make a new life just for YOU hun please you deserve a life of your own without all the stress and the worry I can tell you no matter what you do you cannot prevent anything you can't i know that now but it is too late for me You can make a better life for you so do it ok just do it. hugs
  3. Leolsrik

    Leolsrik Well-Known Member

    When you're able to let go of them, to carry on even if they die. Yeah, I know - easier said than done, right? Still, their lives are not your responsibility. I wish I could say something helpful, but I've got nothing. Maybe other people here might be able to say something useful, or maybe this is something only a good therapist can help with.

    All I can think of to suggest is that you make sure you've said and done everything important with the people you're concerned about, so that, if they die, you won't have regrets. Ideally, this will help alleviate the problem as you become less terrified of the thought of losing them.
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