I saw the doctor on last week Tuesday who said that I needed to go see a real psychiatrist because this is clearly no good. Suicidal Ideations are continuing and so yeah. she sent me to a psych clinic that takes walk-ins and set up a one time contract with the hospital insurance so I'd be covered. They were booked solid, but I have a meeting this Thursday where I'll get a full psychiatric evaluation to begin with before they start sessions. Someone else in this forum said: "I think what you should do is make a list of reasons to stick around. They can be important things like "for my familys sake" or simple things like "so I can keep watching my favourite TV show". Whatever you want really. I made a list like this in my head a while back and it helped me a lot. It reminded me that there are things in my life that I love and are important to me, and that I shouldn't check out before my time is up. Maybe if you do the same, you will start to feel better and put your life in perspective. Please don't give up, your family still needs you." I figured, "hell, why not. S'not like I have anything else going for me right now" So let's see: Jarek My grandmother and dad Watching House on Mondays. Watching Kitchen Nightmares on Fridays my cat. because no one else would take care of her. I don't know, coworkers I guess? and yeah. that is one sad, sad list. if you don't count coworkers then that's 5 things on my list, 2 of which are television shows and a pet cat someone found wandering behind their apartments. Also, I've already been guilt tripped by my grandmother to not kill myself because she once said that the only reason she was still around was because then who would take care of me. God, I just want to lay down and die already. Is that really so wrong? I won $20 from a weight loss challenge at work and the banquet that we've been planning for the past 2 months happened and ended on Friday. By all accounts anyone else would be happy. But then again, anyone else would be an actual happy and functioning member of society.