I'm just so tired of living

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Sondenise, May 10, 2010.

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  1. Sondenise

    Sondenise Member

    I saw the doctor on last week Tuesday who said that I needed to go see a real psychiatrist because this is clearly no good. Suicidal Ideations are continuing and so yeah. she sent me to a psych clinic that takes walk-ins and set up a one time contract with the hospital insurance so I'd be covered. They were booked solid, but I have a meeting this Thursday where I'll get a full psychiatric evaluation to begin with before they start sessions.

    Someone else in this forum said:
    "I think what you should do is make a list of reasons to stick around. They can be important things like "for my familys sake" or simple things like "so I can keep watching my favourite TV show". Whatever you want really.

    I made a list like this in my head a while back and it helped me a lot. It reminded me that there are things in my life that I love and are important to me, and that I shouldn't check out before my time is up. Maybe if you do the same, you will start to feel better and put your life in perspective.

    Please don't give up, your family still needs you."

    I figured, "hell, why not. S'not like I have anything else going for me right now"

    So let's see:

    1. Jarek
    2. My grandmother and dad
    3. Watching House on Mondays.
    4. Watching Kitchen Nightmares on Fridays
    5. my cat. because no one else would take care of her.
    6. I don't know, coworkers I guess?

    and yeah. that is one sad, sad list. if you don't count coworkers then that's 5 things on my list, 2 of which are television shows and a pet cat someone found wandering behind their apartments. Also, I've already been guilt tripped by my grandmother to not kill myself because she once said that the only reason she was still around was because then who would take care of me. God, I just want to lay down and die already. Is that really so wrong?

    I won $20 from a weight loss challenge at work and the banquet that we've been planning for the past 2 months happened and ended on Friday. By all accounts anyone else would be happy. But then again, anyone else would be an actual happy and functioning member of society.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am glad you got an appt for an assessment and i hope the doctor there will help you feel better again. It will take some time but now at least you have help.
  3. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    well done for seeking help.....you have 3 people on your list who would be devestated if you leave them....I know how your dad will feel as I'm living that nightmare.....
    please take care...
  4. UniqueMonster

    UniqueMonster Member

    It's good that you are seeking help.

    Even if there are only a few things on your list hun, there are so many people who would miss you. Even if you don't think so right now.

    When I almost died from my suicide attempt.. I saw how many people were upset and devastated that i did such a thing, and it made me realize that i don't need to die right now.
    Yes i still struggle. But keep up hope and things will get better ^^
    Remind your self everyday of the people you love and care about, and remind yourself of the people who love and care about you. <33
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