A lot of stuff has happened to me in the past and although I can't seem to let it go, I also can't seem to hang on to the present. Life is just so hard. I feel so.. disgusted of myself. I'm a failure. I'm nothing, but a waste of life. Having to wake up in the morning is so exhausting. I just can't do it anymore. Nobody wants to be near me. They love it when I'm away. My family just likes to borrow money from me and use my car. Otherwise, they all talk behind my back. I have nothing to live for. Nothing to get motivated for. I've tried to be happy. I tried moving and attempted to save money, but these feelings follow me. I'm so tired of always crying. Of always feeling down and depressed. I hate looking in the mirror and seeing the person in the reflection. I hate her. I hate myself. It's been like this for a long time now and nothing gets better, only worse. I don't want to go to work. I already quit school. I just don't want to live anymore. Everything is so damn pointless. I feel so out of place in this world, especially near my family. They all have their families and I have no one. They give me looks. Looks that tell me how they really feel. All I feel is anger. I hate my family, but not as much as myself. Sometimes I feel like cutting again, but most of the time I don't even have energy to pick up the blade. These feelings that I feel every single day is ripping me apart. I feel like I'm drowning and nobody can save me. I don't want to be though. I've finally given up. I realized that there isn't a place for me to go. Someone to love me as I am. I'm alone and I've never felt so alone before. Nobody seems to understand that the only way to get better is to go. I don't have the energy to do anything anymore. I just want to be released from this pain. Living has become such tremendous torture. I just want a chance to become happy and living won't make that happen. The sadness is too overwhelming. I just know everything will be okay once I go. I just want it to stop. This feeling that's killing me.