I was actually looking up ways to commit suicide on google and came across this website so here I am. I just feel like I've had enough. It's too hard to carry on. I've overcome a lot but I've just hit a real low. My mum attempted suicide several times 5 years ago for very different reasons; she had a psychotic episode. She's doing a lot better these days. My family have a lot of mental health issues and I'm big part of their support network. My job is very stressful and involves a lot of empathy, on some level I wouldn't have it any other way; I like helping people. But I've forgotten, don't want to help myself anymore. To the extent that I just want to die. I finally spoke to (text) my best friend about it and I feel better for it to some extent I said I wouldn't do anything "silly". In my head I have an idea of what I want to do, I just don't know when to execute it. From my study's on suicidal ideation, all is not lost when you don't have a plan but when you do the risk escalates. Which worries me. I know, I told my friend but I don't want to tell anyone else incase I hurt them/they try to talk me out of it. I cry a lot at the moment as well. I've taken today off work so I can try and pull myself together and go back tomorrow. I'm on antidepressants (have been for over 2 years) and I've got a GP appointment next week, I can hold on until then but I don't expect some quick fix and I certainly don't want to go to hospital so I'm unsure how that's all going to turn out. I'm not really sure what I'm hoping to gain from this post but I thought it couldn't hurt to put it out there. Maybe that shows there's still hope?