I'm Just So Tired!!!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by TrentGrad, Jun 16, 2010.

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  1. TrentGrad

    TrentGrad Well-Known Member

    I don't quite know what to say or do at this point. :( Isn't it ironic that, when I see someone in the forums who is espousing suicide, I feel compelled to try and talk them out of it...that things can be better. If only I could convince myself of that.

    Perhaps it's that I have more faith in others than I have in myself. Or perhaps it's that I was destined for a more fatalistic outcome. Whatever the case, I can truly say that I am completely exhausted right now. :(

    When it rains, it pours...and for me, the constant presence of rain has become a defining factor in my life. It's been like this for so long, I can only vaguely remember a time when it wasn't so difficult.

    I struggle with debt because, in years past, I sought distraction. I haven't struggled with employment, but that is now here because in the past five years, I have had one prolonged, major depressive episode, and I feel the onset of it coming once again.

    My self esteem is so low that, even if no one is mocking me, they're mocking me because my own mind will do the work for them.

    I haven't got one single close friend who can lift me up when I am low. I am down to about 5 close family members, but only 3 of them are adults, and none of them really wants to spend too much time with me.

    I've gone through this for at least 20 years, and have, off and on, been in treatment for about four years. It never goes away, and I don't know if I want to do this anymore.

    I think it's time to start planning. :(
  2. Sica

    Sica Well-Known Member

    Isn't this forum about supporting each other and what not? So, of course you do what is in human nature, which is to give life or continue on in life, but I see what your saying. It's like some of us are hypocrites, for telling someone not to commit suicide, but then we are also contemplating suicide as well.
  3. carekitty

    carekitty Guest

    No, it's not time to start planning. That isn't the answer. What it is time for is to get whatever help you need to start feeling better.

    Are you taking care of yourself physically? I know this sounds simplistic, but not getting enough sleep, eating badly, using too many meds or alcohol, etc., can drive a person to the point of wanting to hurt themselves. If you're not doing what you need to do to take care of yourself, then please start. We sometimes need a bit of convincing that we are worth that effort, but we all are. Take care of you, and don't wait for someone else to do it.

    Then, make sure you are getting the right kind of treatment. Are you happy with the therapist you have now, are they helping? Are you being honest with them on how low you feel? Do whatever is necessary to build up that self esteem, even if it means changing therapists.

    I hope you're feeling better soon!
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