I'm so sick of having depression. It wont ever go away! Its always lurking. And I hate having constant thoughts. I keep having weird homicidal thoughts, and I don't think Im the killing type. idk. SOmetimes Im afraid that if I had the means, I would actually kill someone. And i dont even know these people! They are just random people. It's usually related to where I am. Like riding the bus, I thought about killing everyone on there. Or listening to a speaker. I thought about how I would get past security and kill them. Its always with a gun. And I always kill myself after, in my thoughts. WHY?! whats wrong with me? I just want to cut or overdose or kill myself or something. Anything to stop feeling this way. I feel so alone. I feel like a burden to people, so I have a hard time calling friends and stuff. Plus, the ideations are so neurotic, I dont think anyone will understand. I feel like no one cares, though I know thats not true. Im just tired of everything, of fighting this for so long. I dont want to do it anymore. It hurts too much.