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I'm just tired

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lostinca, Aug 18, 2011.

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  1. lostinca

    lostinca Well-Known Member

    I am so tired of being let down by everything and just feeling hopeless. I was laid off from my job last year and stupid stupid me I spent a couple of months thinking "Hey no problem I have been working since I was 17 with only a month here and there off, finding a job is no problem."
    Wrong wrong wrong. A year later here I am losing everything around me. I'll be lucky to get a job making $10 hour, I used to make double that but I screwed that up exactly like I screw up every single thing I touch.
    Now all I can think of is how I have way too much time on my hands now and I just keep pushing myself deeper and deeper into a corner. I even told my mom that I was just tired of living and her response was, "Oh your sister is going back to school."
    It's not just the job it's everything is wrong and I am so screwed up I honestly don't even know how to dig myself out of this whole and I don't know what lesson I'm being taught. I must have been a very bad person in a past life. Why can't I just go to sleep and not wake up.
    And the best part is now when I really need it I can't even afford to go to the dr and be on depression meds. I wish I could have bonus meds for when I really didnt need them.
  2. Jelly

    Jelly Well-Known Member

    Very sorry to hear this. My greatest condolences go out to you. Please know I'm here if you ever need to talk.

    Things will get better with time and this is not your fault. Don't blame yourself.
  3. lostinca

    lostinca Well-Known Member

    Thank you Jessica. The problem is it is my fault, I allowed my dr's to put me on so many pain meds for my back (too many car accidents and not allowing my body to heal and pushing myself by working out 3 hours daily). I was on so many medications I honestly couldn't get out of bed. I was sleeping around 18 hours a day. I allowed myself to get backed into a corner and I eventually lost my job.
    I honestly don't know why Jason (my boyfriend) hasn't left me yet. When we first got together he loved how independant I was, haha that's funny. I depend on him for everything now and that isnt fair to him he didn't sign up for this.
    I just want to stop.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Time to get back on the track again okay You can take a refresher course to upgrade your skills do some volunteer work until you can get a new job Looks better on resume if you are still working even volunteer work Talk to your doctor see what else can be done to get you out of this depression okay hugs to you
  5. Jelly

    Jelly Well-Known Member

    Well Steph, don't be too hard on yourself. You are so strong for being here right now. And meds are okay, if they help you they are worth it. If they don't help, don't take them.

  6. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Actually - he did sign up for this - or that or anything else that might happen!

    He loves you - so supporting you is not really an issue

    If it was reversed - would you support him?

    so - leave that one alone!

    Maybe you could you spare time to have a child or something?

    Or are you not ready yet?

    I'm pushing you a little here - lol - but I'm sure you'd make a lovely mum and that is a job also.

    Hope things improve - and why not go back to school?

    I've lost tons of jobs - recently also - a big job - but you have to adapt to survive - not look back at easy jobs you had with nice wages.

    Best of luck!

    I'm sure things will work out ok for you.

    Give my regards to Jason - hope he treats you nice - I could arrange for an accident if not - lol - my concern sounds alarming? No worry - just joking!

    Best of...
  7. lostinca

    lostinca Well-Known Member

    Thank you peacelovingguy. I'm not going to have kids I can't take care of myself I don't want to bring something into this world when I dont have anything to offer. I have my dog she loves me being home and we have 3 cats Im mommy to them.
    It gets better I'm renting a house from my parents and they just told me that the house is about to go into foreclosure soon and my check engine light just came on.
    What a life?
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