I am so tired of being let down by everything and just feeling hopeless. I was laid off from my job last year and stupid stupid me I spent a couple of months thinking "Hey no problem I have been working since I was 17 with only a month here and there off, finding a job is no problem." Wrong wrong wrong. A year later here I am losing everything around me. I'll be lucky to get a job making $10 hour, I used to make double that but I screwed that up exactly like I screw up every single thing I touch. Now all I can think of is how I have way too much time on my hands now and I just keep pushing myself deeper and deeper into a corner. I even told my mom that I was just tired of living and her response was, "Oh your sister is going back to school." It's not just the job it's everything is wrong and I am so screwed up I honestly don't even know how to dig myself out of this whole and I don't know what lesson I'm being taught. I must have been a very bad person in a past life. Why can't I just go to sleep and not wake up. And the best part is now when I really need it I can't even afford to go to the dr and be on depression meds. I wish I could have bonus meds for when I really didnt need them.