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I'm kinda already dead.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Thatsnotfunny, Sep 5, 2011.

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  1. Thatsnotfunny

    Thatsnotfunny New Member

    If your suicidal you have probably already hit the stage where you just dont connect to anybody anymore. You don't like to go outside the house. You don't like being around people because they will all criticize you. I'm at that stage and I'm losing a lot of friends because of it. But I get depressed and then the next day I extremely hyper. But inside I always feel horrible. I haven't told anybody about my feelings even though I should. Post a reply on here if you know what I'm going through. I promise I will not kill myself if I know that people actually care, and people are going through the same things I'm going through. Thank You to anyone who replies.
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Been there, but without the hyper.
    Could be you need to see a doc to rule out bi-polar disorder.
    Even if its not that a doc can help get you therapy or meds to sort out the moods. :hug:
  3. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Greetings! I can relate to what you're going through. And welcome to the forums here. Best wishes.

  4. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your own consideration for others Thatsnotfunny - although your not feeling good you do think of others and its worth a lot.

    As for friends - sure when your suicidal or depressed - you hide things and need to do so in some cases - because some people would even use that against you.

    But with suicide - just one friend is a help - and often a kind word is worth more than a bunch of meds - however - some here have been helped with meds.

    Thing is not to keep it to yourself- and bear in mind most people are not going to cope well if you say "I feel like dying!" - its just the way things are with some people - I recognise that is not so much their fault but perhaps the image they have of depression which is usually some series of misconceptions topped off with a dab of good old ignorance.

    However - its important not to give up - depression can make it hard to make friends but it can also help because once you get on top of depression you have more empathy and understanding - and you understand what makes others tick.

    I know that seems a long way off - but you have a good attitude and I appreciate your promise to not do anything but to discuss it and see what others think.

    Welcome to the forum also - its hard to make that first post - but you done it in a brave manner and I can see you do have compassion which is a great help.

    Just be careful - as compassion can be dangerous IF its going one way!

    I learnt the hard way that you have to put yourself first sometimes - not out of a selfish need - it is pure survival! And lets face it - if you want help others - and be a kind person - you really need to make sure your life has a centre that holds up under the gathering storms we face in life.

    I know for some - family is not an option - which is sad but ultimately - I know quite a few people who had really bad families. I love my family - but that was not a choice - and if anyone has decent parents they will love them. But - the people WE choose in life are special - maybe more so in some instances - and certainly with whoever you love - whenever your ready - as that's a risk if your not careful.

    A lot of people get married - live together - and say nothing until - BANG - one night - one day - you raise it and they don't accept that aspect of you.

    I think a lot more people are likely more understand than you think and would accept you - after all depression is not like some rare illness - but the personal nature of this illness makes a lot of others seem like fair deals in comparison.

    After all - anyone who thinks they ought to be dead - has had a pretty deep and profound life experience.

    Sharing it is the first step to recovery.

    Keeping it in is taking one step forward to recovery and two steps back to the depression.

    Good luck and thanks for sharing.

    Many will not have the courage to do that .

    Or to think of others.

    But we don't judge regardless - we say what we have to and thanks!
  5. In a Lonely Place

    In a Lonely Place Well-Known Member

    I hear you and I understand how you feel
    There are people who care x
  6. Silent1

    Silent1 Well-Known Member

    Yup 4 years of my life now just hidden away and forgoton. have lost all friends but 2 that call me here and there. i get the courge to come outside and i relize its not the place for me then go another 2 months with out stepping a foot out the door....its rough
  7. micon

    micon Member

    i can relate to what you're going through. i've felt suicidal before and pretty much my whole life. you're not alone in feeling how you feel. i, too, lost friends due to depression. yes, it's hard to make friends when you're depressed. sounds like you have some friends who do check in. even just one friend is invaluable. i mean, a friend who listens and is there for you. i isolate a lot, too. so i can relate. keep posting. feel free to pm me (i'm new to this forum), if you want.
  8. eagles_fan

    eagles_fan Well-Known Member

    It seems like you're bi-polar. I've been the same way. Happy and hyper one minute, then suicidally depressed the next. You have to stay in your content mood though, and that takes a bit of work. I can completely relate to you, Thatsnotfunny.

    And read peacelovingguy's post and take in all of what he says. He's a very smart guy.
  9. ExtraSoap

    ExtraSoap Well-Known Member

    I'm going through the EXACT same thing right about now, though im not quite at the kill oneself stage, but im getting there, i can tell.
  10. Pooh

    Pooh New Member

    I wish I can be hyper at some point
    I'm just dull from the moment I wake up till I go to sleep
    My dreams are kinda fun tho
    Although it makes me more depressed in the morning when I had a good dream because I know it won't come true..

    But yea I'm probably going through similar situation as yours :(
  11. toopainfultolive

    toopainfultolive Well-Known Member

    Same as you. Still trying to find my way ard it. :no:
  12. micon

    micon Member

    i wish i was hyper sometimes, too. i'm also dull 24/7. just a flatline.
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