I'm leaving this week

[ace]

I know that this week I'm going to build up the courage and do what I need to do,but please nobody don't feel sorry for me I'm actually happy I'm going to do this I don't want to live in a world of bullshit where I will eventually die.You see I'm really screwed up yes that's so true believe me and by leaving is the best thing I could possibly do.If you can be happy in this world try your best,I certainly can't and by dyeing is the best thing I could possibly do.

Also I'm too dumb to ever become anything so that's simply another reason,not listening to Dr's etc saying I'm not dumb because I am and I know that not to be fooled by people saying I'm not.I pretty much have a plan that will do the trick for me,so when I'm gone it's goodbye so please people this is'nt a plea to want to live an I'm serious because as I said I'm happy to be going so do what you can to try and be happy I have and I've come to the conclusion I have.

 

[dazzle11215]

sorry, i will not be happy if you take your life, and i'm sure many others feel the same way including your family, friends, and doctors. leaving this world by suicide is not the best thing you could possibly do, because there is always tomorrow. and we never know what tomorrow might bring, whether a change in circumstances or new insights into how we ended up in the state we currently are.

you mention a doctor who tells you that you are not dumb. is this someone you trust or is that a stupid question on my part? i guess i want to know if there's anyone in your life right now that you would trust to share your feelings with. you have us - and you always will - but when you are as down as you currently are might there be anyone else to talk to?

 

[ace]

Thankyou for replying dazzle Yes I can trust my Dr but on the other hand I feel he has to say to me that I'm not dumb because if he said I was imagine how it would make me feel.Sorry I don't mean to be so negative but I honestly know I'm not all there the full quid no use in denying it,I struggle so badly with my depression,Ocd and Body dysmorphic disorder it's just to hard to gon living with.:sad:
It's very hard to go on living and I'm struggling so much to not attempt to take my life.

 

[dazzle11215]

ace, i know what's it's like to hate yourself. when you have struggled with your mental health it's easy to feel discouraged, without hope, and worthless. but those negative feelings are part of the disease, they are not some essential truth about your being. you are so worthy, worthy of love, of feeling at peace, of hope.

you have struggled so far so do not give up now. if you don't feel strong lean on us, and lean on your doctor and any other supports you have. you don't have to do it alone. one day you *will* feel better and all this hard work will have been worth it.

it's exhausting to just survive day to day, sometimes i have to take it minute to minute. but ever so slowly you will begin to heal. you might not even notice at first. think back to before you knew about depression and ocd, how frightened you must have been by how you felt. now you know a little more, you have learned to describe your feelings. that is great progress. but there is more work ahead of you, sorry, and none of it will be easy. but it will be worth it.

i hope you can hang around to see what your tomorrows bring

catherine

 

[touglytobeloved]

I will not say, hold on, there is always tomorrow and such things. I know they will sound stupid to you and I will change nothing with that. But, I want to say that I respect your decision, no mather what is it, because I know you will made the right decision, because you are not dumb.
I have read some of your posts, and they really dont look like they are written by a dumb person.
And Im not saying this to cheer you up or something, Im just telling what I think, honestly.

 

[dazzle11215]

I will not say, hold on, there is always tomorrow and such things. I know they will sound stupid...

:tongue:

i'm always gonna take the pro-life line, just FYI. i have attempted 3 times, and in the depths of my despair i was 100% sure i was making the right choice.

but with some distance (and good mental health supports along the way) i am thankful i didn't succeed. i'm not afraid to admit that my thinking was messed up when i was so suicidal - i asked the wrong questions and got the wrong answers.

 

[itmahanh]

ace, you have been fighting the urges for so long , I don't want to see you give up now. Yes, the world isn't what you want or need it to be right now. And you may feel so down on yourself. But it's the conditions hun, not the real you. Please if nothing or nobody else, call a crisis unit or line. Get the hurt and feelings out. So many members would be crushed if you follow out your plan and so many just want to help you. Please ace, dont follow with your heart what your conditions are telling you!!

 

[Bostonensis]

Think twice, no one knows what tomorrow will bring. Could be good,could be bad. take a chance. Every day we take chances,what makes you different from us. You can be an nspiration to us ,you never know. Stay alive & valued your life no matter how sucky it is. Tomorrow is another day & you never know what it will bring unless we go through it.

I am here in SF,not bcoz I am suicidal but to listen ,a shoulder to lean on & provide info that I think is hhelpful. For this I find rewarded & makes my life full. I have ups & downs. The suffering I went through is beyond human but my mind is a boundless creature nothing I cannot fixed.

Look forward to what tomorrow would bring. Do not take it on your hands yet. The future has its own plan.

Keep this place a sanctuary of peace.

Li

 

[gwalchmei]

ace,
Don't go. We're here with you. C'mon, you've helped us out for so long. Let us help you out!!!
I'm here for you and I'm praying for you!!!

 

[gentlelady]

ace I know how much you have struggled through reading your posts. i also know you are a survivor and a fighter. As the others have said, please don't stop the fight now. You have come this far. Tomorrow may be a better day, it may not be. We cannot know the outcome until we are there. Take things one day at a time. make it your goal. just one more day. It eventually adds up but things are not quite as overwhelming when broken up into attainable goals. One more day.

 

[Sadeyes]

JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT I CARE ABOUT YOU and to let you know that I am a PM away...big hugs, J

 

[ace]

Thankyou everyone your support really touches me and mean's alot but I'm struggling with life so badly,my mood's change so much by the second,I'm struggling with my Ocd but very badly with my Body dysmorphic disorder.I've lost all hope of trying to live my head hurt's far too much.:sad:

 

[dazzle11215]

ace do not give up yet. these mood swings are just that, moods and as painful as they are they do not speak the truth about you. you are a kind, compassionate person who is just suffering way too much right now. i know what it's like to want the suffering to stop.

please get in touch with yr doctor or counsellor and tell them how low you are right now. tell him/her that you are so very close to killing yourself and find out what your options are.

 

[Ugly]

I'm as proactive as the next person, but I'm Ugly, and sadly I was born to a life of loneliness.

 

[ace]

Thankyou to everybody I've made a choice and I'm leaving barring any problem's tonight will be it,take care everybody and I hope you find peace asap,don't worry please this is'nt a cry for help it's what I want and need I can't hang around in this shit world anymore.

 

[dazzle11215]

ace, you do not have to go through with it. there is no shame in changing your mind. please reconsider?

the world *is* a shitty place, but that's why we need more kind and gentle people, people like you.

please reach out for some other supports - you have the ER, or suicide hotline, or can you call your counsellor before tonight? there are so many people who want to help you survive this, all you have to do is ask. please let us - and them - help you.

 

[BrokenChaos]

take care mate ...

 

[itmahanh]

Ace please.....dont do this!!!

 

[Undone]

Ace,
I know you don't know me, but I know what you're going through. I've been trying to reach out to you on the bddcentral forum. Maybe we can help eachother out, I read your posts & I feel you're one of the few I can relate to. Please, talk to me.

 

[bobo]

Ke. Bye! TTYL.

I feel sorry for, you must have so much hate in you. How do you live with yourself?