I'm leaving tonight

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Ziva, Dec 6, 2010.

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  1. Ziva

    Ziva Well-Known Member

    I took some pills to sedate myself so I won't be too scared when I do this. I'm going to try and slit my wrist, I have tried every other method and it just doesn't work. My ex-boyfriend still won't leave me alone, he is still harassing me (and the cops won't do shit about it, I reported it but because he is not threatening me or physically or sexually abusing me- he harasses me online and in public too, they can't do anything) and the court case I'm facing is worrying me, plus I have exams in two days, and even though I studied hard for them I don't think I will pass. I'm sorry everyone, I just can't deal with this anymore. Sorry everyone, I tried but I guess I'm just not meant for this world. I was once told by a cop that if I couldn't function in society than I shouldn't be here(his exact words) and he's right. He said this to me not because of my suicide attempts, but because of something else. I just can't deal with this any longer. I'm sorry, goodbye everyone.
  2. Landlocked blues

    Landlocked blues Well-Known Member

    Hey Ziva, please stay and talk. That cop shoudnt have said that. He was so wrong. You deserve life and a place in society. xx
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Cop was a fffff jerk and needs to be reported You hang on okay things work themselves out they do. Cops can charge this guy with cyper bullying that is for sure. block all his incoming shit okay block his name and you won't get anything from him your phone too get number changed keep calling cops until something is done tellthem you want to charge him for harassment. You are important okay don't let anyone tell you differently.
    Stay here with us okay it is safe here that is what you need most a safe place
    keep talking okay were listening
  4. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    Ziva, I posted on an earlier thread that you made.

    You should be able to get a restraining order against your ex. No proof is necessary to get a restraining order, I think you just have to do the paperwork.

    What court case do you have?

    Please don't worry about the exams. If you talk to a councilor, you should be able to get an emergency incomplete.

    Please don't listen to the cop. He is full of shit.

    I posted this on another thread

    National Domestic Violence Hotline
    24 hour hotline phone: 800.799.SAFE (800.799.7233)
    who they help: victims, survivors, family, parents, friends, offenders, community leaders. A resource to anyone who may have concerns about relationship being unhealthy or abusive, and it does not matter whether they are dating or married, living together or not.
  5. Ziva

    Ziva Well-Known Member

    The suicide didn't work, obviously. Going to try again soon though. And the court case is against this woman who I am charged with making harassing telephone calls to. In November 2008 I had a seizure and while in a hospital bed at this hospital, I hit this nurse with the back of my hand WHILE IN A SEIZURE. This was when the hospital was getting me ready to go home, I didn't even know I was at the hospital at all until mom told me. I don't do drugs or drink so nothing was done by me to cause the seizure. The nurse I hit charged me with assault, I didn't know of this charge until the week after I had the seizure when the cop called. We offered the medical documents to the nurse showing that I have a history of epilepsy and that from that history I was in an epileptic seizure at the time it happened, but she did not want to see the files. We did not know her name until we asked for the medical file from the hospital for that day to see what it said, according to the hospital I hit some nurse with the last name "Walker", that's all it said. I inquired about this before I went to court, I was told that there was no nurse working there with that last name. I asked if it was a student, since students are not listed on the payroll and they said it may be a student. The day we went to court we found out the real name from the lawyer, her name was XXXX. I got a conditional discharge for it, according to my lawyer, he spoke with prosecution and that's the least they would give me, even though I had no criminal past, and probation for two years.
    I have no idea what she looks like, and I called her and when I spoke to her, I asked if this was her, she said yes, and I asked her why she would continue to pursue a charge and deny medical documents being offered to her to explain what happened. She hung up, and I am now charged with harassment. I am pleading not guilty and will have to go to trial, I just can't imagine going to trial since I am not good at social situations, and answering questions like if I called her a bitch(she said I did but I never)I will say no since I didn't but I know from experience that she will probably win the case since she is older and I "assaulted" her back in November 2008. When we pleaded guilty to the other one(we did that on the advice of the lawyer since he was saying that the trial for the assault charge would not be until July of this year, so we went to court in April of this year, and I was starting University in May so I decided to plead guilty and get it over with since the lawyer said I will probably end up with just a conditional discharge anyway, and I did not want the burden of this hanging over my head while I was in school. Now I have the burden of the harassment charge hanging over my head, and I don't think I can handle this anymore.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 7, 2010
  6. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    You do realise that you shouldn't have phoned her, don't you Ziva? You should never phone someone that you're in a legal dispute with.
    I'm really sorry that the assault charge happened to you and I'm even sorrier that you were given such poor advice by your lawyer. You should never have pleaded guilty, especially as you had medical evidence to provide in court.
    However what's done is done. You now have two choices. You can decide to draw a line under the whole thing and start again. It's okay to start again. It's okay to admit that you made mistakes. Its okay to forgive yourself and have fresh start. This is what I think you should do.
    Or, alternatively, you can allow the whole incident to ruin your life completely. I wouldn't advise this route.
    Are you seeing a doctor at the moment?
  7. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    you shouldn't be naming her in a public forum. that could also be construed as harassment. it would be a good idea to edit your post to take out her name.

    i agree with catherine's advice. face up to the charge in court and hope for the best. what's done is done. you can only learn from the experience.
  8. Berenice

    Berenice New Member

    Hi,Ziva !Don't be afraid_I'll pray for you and you'll be just fine !
    You may e.mail me at :mariamne126@live.com
    (I'd be glad if you do )
    TLC !
  9. Ziva

    Ziva Well-Known Member

    Sorry for posting her name and calling her. I know that was wrong, but now it feels like you're taking her side. All my life I have dealt with this crap, what I've done wrong when people do things to me, it's like they never did anything wrong. Sorry to sound "whiny" I'm just tired of it all.
  10. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i'm not taking her side just giving you some advice. you have a case before the courts you have to take every precaution to not make things worse. naming her in a public forum can be used against you, not against her. i'm looking out for you.... i'm sure your lawyer warned you about stuff like this, not contacting her again in any way, not posting her info on the web. you have to listen to him. don't make one mistake worse by compounding it. i remember you posted her name before and it had to be edited out. seems like you haven't learned.
  11. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    I don't think what you've done is such a big deal. I can't see a judge doing anything to you for this, especially if you show your medical records.

    You may also be able to postpone the case as well.
  12. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    If I'm honest Ziva, I'll admit that this is why I asked the question I asked. I wanted to see how you'd react.
    The only side I'm taking is yours but by 'taking your side' I mean that I want you to get well.
    Sometimes (in fact quite often) when we get into deep depression, we become paranoid. Its a very common symptom. I think that's the stage that you're in now. All you can think about is the wrong done to you and you don't want to think about your actions at all. We've all been there. You're not doing anything the rest of us haven't done.
    The truth is though, that you have to accept responsibility for your actions. Its the first step to getting well.
    Yes, other people do things wrong all the time but we're not focusing on them, we're focusing on you.
    You will never get better if you constantly think about the 'wrong done to you' and never consider whether or not your own actions had any influence over the situation.
    Go to court and show them evidence of your mental health problems, show them evidence of the past case. Be honest and open...and then put it all behind you.
    You need to look at yourself and your own behaviour. Are you using negative behaviour patterns? (It's always someone elses fault for example).
    I hope things improve for you Ziva, you deserve to have a good life. You're going to have to start being honest with yourself first though.
    Sending hugs,
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