I'm leaving tonight.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by sadhart, Jun 15, 2012.

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  1. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    Today, i had a really bad dispute with my family. there are ways on my part i could have handled things differently, but so could they. bottom line, i am done with this family. i am going to leave early this morning. i am not going to survive out there but i brought something to do me in for when the worst may happen. in a few hours i will be logging off anf turning off this computer. im not living like this family's scapegoat anymore.
     
  2. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    do you want to talk about what happened?
    it might help..I hope you change your mind and stay around *hug*
     
  3. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    it's just too late. im sleepy but i can't sleep, because i have to leave before daylight.
     
  4. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    Sadhart, I understand why you need to leave, that situation has been dragging you down for too long. Still, I don't think that means that you should end your life as well. I believe that you can survive out there, and I wish you the best of luck. Don't give up hope yet, keep faith in yourself and maybe this will be the chance you need to finally turn your life around. I know it's hard in the world but I believe that you can make it. Your family has been holding you down, and once you're on your own you will have a great weight lifted off your shoulders. I hope to see you back here again soon with good news.
     
  5. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    no im not gonna make it. i live in a rural area....i have barely 60 cents in my pocket. sorry, but im going to die one way or another.
     
  6. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    You don't have to stay where you're at though... how far are you from a major city? There are shelters you can go to... you could even hitchhike if it's too far... I know that's dangerous and a lot of people don't pick up hitchhikers anymore, but it can't be any worse than what you're planning. There are good samaritans who will take you in and help you. I'm not particularly religious, but many churches will leave their doors open for those in need of help.... even hospitals might be able to help you. You don't have to die just because you don't have any money or a place to go. There are alternatives.
     
  7. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    People that are a little more supportive, have their own lives....i can't burden them. i am going to be shutting down the computer soon because i have to leave before light. thanks, i know you mean well, but there is no good fortune in what's left of it.
     
  8. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    I do mean well, and I hope that whatever you decide to do, you find peace in it...

    I'm not the praying type, but if I was, I would be praying for you. I hope you do return to us some day with good news, but if not, know that you will always have my sympathies and you were never a burden to me.
     
  9. nessa456

    nessa456 Active Member

    It's always better to keep talking about how you feel. People here will always listen.

    I've been treated badly by my own family and I understand what a betrayal it feels like. It can feel unbearable but over time you can learn to think differently about it.
     
  10. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    I feel like a wuss, i left around 5:30 am and it's only 1:30. im in the next town over in the library and i stink. my feet are blistered and i don't know what to do.
     
  11. fattybitct

    fattybitct Account Closed

    How far are you from the next city?
     
  12. TWF

    TWF Well-Known Member

    There's no point leaving if you can't support yourself. Just leave for a couple of nights, and your family will get worried. Then return and this should probably calm the dispute down. When you're back, apologise and milk your family financially for a while until you can support yourself.
     
  13. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    sadhart I recommend you call your family, get them to come get you and tell them the truth about how you feel
    It can't be any worse than you taking your life..

    other alternative is to go to the nearest hospital and tell them how you're feeling..
    there is help and you don't have to go through with this
    It must be vary scarey and lonely for you out there without support :hug:
     
  14. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    I am kind of staying with someone else and i am grateful. but i am very limited to what i can do. i have to occasionally go back t my aunt' house to get mail. the person i am with is nice, but i think she has ocd and even when i clean it's never clean enough. she's very religious too, and i sturggle with my faith. i know im complaining, but the problem was never living in the same house with my aunt...it was dealing with my family. i am tired of taking on more guilt than i deserve, and i am sick of being scapegoated by them. it's just too much. if things get worse, i think i found a secluded place to take my life.
     
  15. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    That's good that you found someone to stay with...your aunt sounds like my uncle. He wanted everything immaculate at all times, or he would get mad...fly into rages for no reason...even got us evicted from our house by lying and telling the landlord that the house was filthy when it wasn't at all. So you don't need someone like your aunt in your life, because they are toxic to your health, well-being, and emotional state. I hope you are able to start to feel better soon.
     
  16. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    Please don't misunderstand...my aunt is difficult, but the way i react to a lot of things she does isn't always right either. so i feel guilt for any wrong on my part, but I'm angry because apparetly my family thinks they are never wrong and are too pig headed to change their stupid ways. the hypocrisy is overwhelming.

    and no, staying with this friend is hard too. i mean i haven't said anything, but her extreme cleaning is way too much. i feel nervous just being their and doing something like go to the bathroom. i know im selfish, but im just trying to find some peace of mind before i implode. but there's no one i can really go to and im still afraid to go through with taking my life.
     
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