im letting it out

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by usemyname, Jan 22, 2011.

  1. usemyname

    usemyname New Member

    im new to this, so please dont judge my typing or writing or anything to harshly.

    i am way too self conscious.
    even now, posting on a forum where no body knows me i am afraid to be myself.
    i am so sick of being me. i hate the way i feel inside.
    even when im out with my friends, laughing and having fun, seemingly happy, on the inside, i feel sad and empty.

    it doesnt make sense. three days ago i would have told you i was happy, on the right track in my life, loving everything, feeling the mediocre version of joy i feel once in a while.

    but now, for no reason at all, i feel terrible.
    i want to cry, but i have no apparent reason too.
    i just dont understand why. is it because i hate myself?
    because i want to be somebody else? somebody else who doesnt feel this emotional pain?
    that cant be it. because i hate myself because i feel like this.

    i just want to understand why.
    i just want to be truly happy. i want to feel joy, true joy.
    no insecurities attached. no doubts in my mind.
    just pure happiness.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi glad you are letting it out. don't worry abt spelling or grammer all we care about is you. Depression does not have to have a reason to come and go
    I hope you can talk to your doctor and see what can be done to alleviate your sadness hugs. Post anytime okay so others can give you some support
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Just letting you know you are not alone :hug:
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hope you are feeling a little better today let us know how you are doing okay Keep venting here if you have too hugs to you.