im new to this, so please dont judge my typing or writing or anything to harshly. i am way too self conscious. even now, posting on a forum where no body knows me i am afraid to be myself. i am so sick of being me. i hate the way i feel inside. even when im out with my friends, laughing and having fun, seemingly happy, on the inside, i feel sad and empty. it doesnt make sense. three days ago i would have told you i was happy, on the right track in my life, loving everything, feeling the mediocre version of joy i feel once in a while. but now, for no reason at all, i feel terrible. i want to cry, but i have no apparent reason too. i just dont understand why. is it because i hate myself? because i want to be somebody else? somebody else who doesnt feel this emotional pain? that cant be it. because i hate myself because i feel like this. i just want to understand why. i just want to be truly happy. i want to feel joy, true joy. no insecurities attached. no doubts in my mind. just pure happiness.