Someone I know committed suicide yesterday. He lived down my old block, just four houses away from where I used to live. We played when we were younger, but junior high changed that. I've never talked to him since. He hung himself off his balcony. One of the neighbors found him. At this point, no one knows why. He was attractive, popular, and a well-known athlete in our town. He had a basketball scholarship to his college for the fall and even though his parents were divorced, he had a seemingly good relationship with both of them. I actually cried when I found out. I briefly broke down when the reality hit me, and I had to make my friends think I had no idea why--but I do. Just a few days before I found out about him, I had been contemplating my own death. I've been planning how I want to die for a long time now. I've started to feel more and more helpless--but as I got the news about that boy, I started to realize how selfish it all looked to me. He took his own life even though he has a little brother that looks up to him and parents that love him very much. How could he do that to them? As I ask the question, I still think about how I want to go. Is that twisted? Am I really that messed up right now? Are my thoughts and desires about dying going to seem selfish to others? I'm ready to end it all. I can't even explain how easy it seems to just leave. What the fuck do I do?