Im living in a nightmaire

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by scoobysnacks, Jun 30, 2007.

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  1. scoobysnacks

    scoobysnacks New Member

    I found out that my 6yr old son was rape this past sunday. He was rape by his great uncle by marriage. He didn't tell us for so long because he treaten to kill us. We have spent the past week going to doctors, cps and the cops and the nightmaire has just begin for us. This monster has put such fear and anger and rage in my son. Most of my days are spent confuse and almost like im in a daze because half the time i dont even know what im feeling no more. All i do know is i feel such rage in my heart that i want to make this guy feel every bit of what my son is going threw. When i look in my son eyes i know exactly what he feeling because i was a rape to for many years by my step dad. Watching my son go threw this has brought up alot of memories that i barried deep down inside me. My son dont even want to sleep in his own house or feel safe hear because of that guy. No child should ever feel like they are not safe in there own home. I have cried for so many days that i didn't think i could cry but the tears keep flowing. Iam functioning on barely any sleep right now. I tell my son that mommy and daddy love him and that we wont let no one hurt him again but he still feel unsafe. He use to smile and laugh and now he full of anger and rage. I wonder if ill ever get my son back the one who was full of life and smiled and laughed. God i just want to know why? Why didnt he tell me the first time it happen i would of stop it and protected him. I feel so alone right now and wish my mom was here but she passed in 03 so im left to deal with it by myself. Sorry for rambling on i just dont know what to do
    thanx:mad::cry::cry:
     
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    What you do is prosecute the fucker to the endth degree:mad: and get your son into therapy. The sooner he has professional help to come to terms with what happened the less damage to his psychi.
    Personally I'd like half and hour with the son-of-a-bitch that did this to your poor son.

    :hug:
     
  3. Deathly Strike

    Deathly Strike Well-Known Member

    Agreed.

    I'd quite happily beat that fucker to death. What he did was sickening and wrong, and he should be locked away for it. However, the one person we should be focusing on is your son. He's been put through Hell and if you don't act quick then this will haunt him for life. Take him in for some professional help and get all this out of his system - the sooner, the better. Once thats out the way, then kick the living shit out of the twat who did this.
     
  4. scoobysnacks

    scoobysnacks New Member

    Thank You,
    I am prosecuting this mother fucker as far as the law will let me take it. So many day I spend thinking about ways to kill him or to harm him. I do have an opiontment for therapy for him in 3wks that the earliest that we could get. I keep asking them over and over how do i deal with his rage and anger that he has. He doesnt seem to know how to express himself or how he feeling so he explodes. ALL i want is for someone to help me help my son with that anger and rage but they dont seem to listen. They just say waite to u see the therapist then she can help but what about now.:mad:
     
  5. Random

    Random Well-Known Member

    Hi.

    Nobody blames you for being angry. And of course, anyone would be. But remember this. Hate is poison. You are at a point in time when you can prevent hatred from poisoning you to the bone.

    Believe me. If this guy goes to prison for even a year for this, he'll be lucky to come out alive. Your anger and hatred won't hurt him. But it will blacken you inside. He may be a monster but hating him and dwelling on all sorts of unpleasantness will bring you down to his level.

    I know it's easy for me to say. I've never been a victim in this kind of way. But I have hated people in the past. And I had every right to. But it consumed me for so many years. And I have nothing to show for it.

    I'm not telling you to "get over it". Obviously, this is something nobody ever quite gets over. But be very careful not to let it completely destroy you. It doesn't have to.
     
  6. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Know it's hard but please let your little boy be angry..the fact that he is expressing his rage is a good thing(burying what happened would have devastating consequences to his mental health).
    I used to work with abused kids and we had a rumpus room..room filled with giant cushions ....and the kids used to kick, punch, bite, tear and scream at the cushions. Letting out their rage was always therapeutic.
    Have you anything he could focus his anger on..something he can beat up if necessary.
     
  7. Hazel

    Hazel SF & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    My heart goes out to you and your little son, it is good that he is able to express his feelings, as Terry suggested something that he can safely take his anger out on is a very good idea.
    Just keep on reassuring him of your love and telling him he's safe.
    I think you are doing everything you can, you are getting help for your son, you are prosecuting the b*stard that done it and you are loving and supporting your son.. we are here to support you through this horrendous time.

    :hug: Hazel
     
  8. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    You questioned why your son never told you after the first time it happened. The perp parks thinking errors into the minds of their victims, making them afraid to say anything. Then after the first time and it has gone by unnoticed they feel a partner in what happened. They let it happen once so they feel that they are powerless to do anything about it. After all they let it happen the first time. So now they are a part of the deception. Let your son express himself in any way he is able to right now. It is hard for a child to know exactly what went on. They only know something wasn't right. Continue to be supportive of him and let him know you do not blame him for anything that has happened. Even the fact that he was unable to tell. he was trying his best to save his family.
     
  9. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry to hear what has happened to you :(

    I would go through the legal proceedings and all that crap you have to do, but in all honesty, I would just try to make life as normal as possible for him. Do fun things, make him his favorite meals, try to laugh even if your heart is breaking. He is so young that I believe he can truly get over this horrible thing. If you sense something is wrong or that he wants to talk, I would ask gently, but otherwise I would try to let him know that life will go on as normal and that this incident does not have to mar every waking moment. I'm no therapist, but I think if he is IN therapy, he should be there with you...he is probably afraid of the therapist at that age, especially after having his trust violated like that. Both of you should be there to support him, and then take him out to Chuck E Cheese or something afterwards to lift his spirits and bring the normalcy back. I think the faster you can bring normalcy back while still letting him express his fears and concerns when he needs to is the best way to handle this.
     
  10. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Also, I'm guessing that much of this rage is directed at you or something similar...refusal to do what he is told...things like that. Unconsciously he is probably raging against the idea that you could not protect him.

    When he starts to act out, maybe ask him WHY he is behaving that way, or some more leading questions, "Why are you so angry?", "You must be mad at something else because usually you don't act this way." This opens the door for him to talk about his feelings. I would also repeat back to him what he says so he knows you understand..."So you're angry because...". Then say something like, "Well I can see why that would make you angry but you can't do ABC just because you get angry." Let him know you are there for him but don't be too permissive and let him do whatever he wants. He has to know that there are acceptable ways to express anger and unacceptable ways.

    Maybe take him to the toy store and help him pick out a new "friend", a stuffed toy he can "confide in" and encourage him to talk about his feelings and fears to (if he is reluctant to open up to you). Make him a part of the process. If you wanted to get really sneaky, you could put a little camera in the toy and play it back for yourself so that you know what he is going through if he doesn't want to tell you everything. Maybe this would help you to relate to him, or to know (without telling him of course) what he needs to talk about with you, so you could ask the appropriate questions. Make sure he knows this is not a substitute for talking to you or a therapist, just that his new friend will listen to everything he says and never tell anyone because they will always be friends.

    Just some tips...don't know how it will work, so don't hold me to it :)
     
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