Thank whoever created this site and everyone that in here. Lately it has been hard on me. I migrated to the US from a South East Asia country with my family last year, leaving behind everything I known. A 23-year-old man in a new country, trying to fit in. I got relatives here so my family don't exactly suffer financially. I can even say things have been good. But the pressure, the expectation, the loneliness are so overwhelming. I'm an eldest son in a family with deep tradition, so everyone expect the very best out of me and I can't show sign of weakness. I have to stay strong for the family. But here I have to restart everything, college, life, work... Everyone expect me to take care of my youngest brother, anything not A is not acceptable in college, and also 6-hour part time job. I know that much is not hard for many people, but it's really hard without anyone you can talk to. My father is very understanding, but he has enough things to worry about, I can't trouble him more than that. My mother, she does try to be supportive and have good intention, but she often become unreasonable and yelling and blaming out of the blue so she put more stress in me than she thought. It doesn't help that I can't make any friend here. Mostly because I don't have time to socialize with anyone. I wake up in the morning, go to school, lunch, go to work, go straight home after work to do homework, bed at 1 AM. Repeat the next day. I used to be a very active person, love to do Karate and go out. This situation bores and frustrates me beyond control. My friends back home stop talking to me since I too stop talking to them. I feel like i'm being crushed under the family expectation. I must work, and my grade must not be anything but A, and don't forget your siblings too. What about me? Hey I have feeling too, not some Terminator. The only light in this is my girlfriend back home. But my upbringing does not allowed me to share my true feeling about my situation with her. I'm her support. You are the man who will protect her for the rest of her life, you can't show weakness like this. I take my pride in the fact that I was able to do that for 5 years. So now even myself don't allow me to appear weak before her. I know she will understand, but I'm scared of losing her since this weakness has never been a part of what I am to me/ to her. It feel like I will lose her and myself if I let her see me like this. I fear that this is taking its toll on me. I'm beginning to lose my temper often, even some small issues irritate me and make me want to yell, to curse. I always wake up feeling like a P.O.S every single morning. I need a large cup of coffee each meal to keep me going through the day. I'm beginning to have suicide thoughts. Sometimes I dream about hugging my girlfriend and our first kiss just to wake up in the middle of the night and realize i'm alone in bed. I burst into tear every time. I feel so helpless and lonely inside. I even consider calling the suicide hotline just to ask if someone can please read a story for me tonight. I desperately want to feel my girlfriend touch again, it drives me mad. I would laugh at myself and then cry, then laugh again. I wonder if something inside me already break. My mind is a little fuzzy when I write this. So I know this would be really hard to read. It's not very well-organised I know. But if anyone do read this, thank you very much for listening to me.