life is seriously spiraling out of control, took my first overdose on the 25th October...collapsed and hit my head on the concrete floor. 6 days in hospital. they had no idea what made me collapse. 3 days after discharge, another overdose...rushed into hospital with abnominal pains....still the cause goes undetected. two weeks ago, took a cocktail of tablets that i had lying around whilst at college (took the tablets with me) rushed back into hospital with halucinations and muscle spasms. 2 hours ago....took another load of tablets, probably wont do anything to me though...my body seems to be resisting everything thats been thrown at it. the sense of loosing control of my life scares me. i seem to be daring myself to try different things, stronger things. like its a game between my mind and body...which one will give first. at first i was depressed, i started loosing interest in the things i loved. i just wish id found help at that point, before it got any worse. i feel as though im beyond any kind of help now, ive lost all trust and confidence in people and i have never spoke to anyone about my feelings. This all started 3 years ago, its amazing how fast life can go downhill. one minute your surrounded by people who love you and then BANG your all alone. they say being betrayed by someone you love is one of the hardest things to deal with. its harder when that someone is family, someone whos not supposed to let you down, someone who promised to be there forever by your side. oh well, as i type this, im already feeling the affects of my latest OD. not so long ago, i was the sort of person who couldnt understand why anyone would want to take their own life. but now i understand. what is the point in living when youve got nothing worth living for and are surrounded by people who just dont understand. for anyone reading this, thinking that im going to drop down dead at any moment, chill. Im not that lucky!! ill probably just be ill for a few days, which i dont mind, ill be left alone for a while, in a dark, quiet room. i just cant help but worry that its only going to get worse and that il keep doing this to the point where my body gives up the fight.